Earth, Sun, Moon. Where it starts, it ends.

Here I am... A few weeks removed from OMS and back in play after a brief intermission. Feels good to be back. Have you missed me? Didn't think so, but a dude can dream... Yeah, I love you, too.

So, today marks a few things... My 50th post, the 40th anniversary of the moon landing and something else...

We made friends with the moon in 1969 and right now, all I can think about is how MTV benefited from the historic lunar photos in between Pat Benatar and REO Speedwagon videos in the early '80s. Go figure...

Now, I'm thinking about my golden entry and I'm thinking about the last time I reached out to you. I decided I would wear a tuxedo for the occasion. I've never typed anything with a bow tie fastened around my neck. Weird. The champagne flute next to my HP is still bubbling... Cool. The bowl of strawberries to my left is adorable. Nice. And the flowers in front of me are just fragrant enough that the... Riiiight. Whatever.

Let's begin. #50...

Have you ever received news that you wish could be taken back? I ask this because I believe in the "no takeback" concept and it's a time like this that I wish I didn't subscribe to that line of thinking... Don't live by a code if you can't live by that code, y'know? I stand by my words, but when something comes back at me in such a sobering way, I have to know that it will never be taken back. It's out there and once the reality of it settles in, we must embrace it and get on with it... Take the emotional clobbering and sleep with your eyes open. Find a way to pretend to look the other way. Lie if you have to... Y'know... To keep the buzzing bees away. Protect the integrity of it all and guard it with both fists up...

Why couldn't they just take it back? I know that it wouldn't change anything, but the sobering aspect of it all can (sometimes) be hard to handle.

God, you there? You didn't listen, man... I'm sure that the excuse is that someone needed you more, but dude, I don't ask for much... As a matter of fact, I don't ask for anything other than a decent seat at the rock show. And maybe good vibes and a little protection for the ones in the "loved ones" category. And when you come through with a killer moonscape, I'm yours. But c'mon, man... Really? There are two kinds of beings out there... The ones who make excuses and the ones who don't... I'm not pointing fingers, but if I could see you right now, I'd try to sweep your leg like Johnny did to Daniel in 1984. Yeah... It's like that.

Fix it. Please?

Looking in the mirror...

Me: "I mean, I'm no angel and I've had my share of misfires... And before you bring up the "karma" thing, I want you to know that I've thought about that, too... You've already made me pay for 7/82, 3/90 (I'm so sorry, GJ), 8/93, 4/94, 6/94, 2/95 (big time), 7/95, 8/03, and every other time I made decisions that would (ultimately) teach me a lesson or two."
God: "True, you did learn a few lessons and you have been a good student. Plus, you're from Benbrook, TX. And you've spread my word in one way or another over the years. In your own way, of course. I would, however, like to see you on Sundays a little more often."
M: "For better or for worse, it was my heart that did the talking then and to this day, my heart still speaks on my behalf. What are you going to do about it? I've paid, alright... I've paid over and over again. Do you need more from me or something? I'm working with a bent heart and it's fragile at the moment."
G: "Listen. You're still in the red for the 2/95 nonsense and I just can't think of a good reason to let you off of the hook for the 3/90 episode. Of course, I have to take into account your age at the time for that one. Overall, you're good people and you do seem to wear your heart on your sleeve, which is commendable, but..."
M: "But what? I feel like I am one of the lucky ones and I am grateful for everything you've given me and my crew. I am who I am, y'know? You didn't answer my question, dude. Do you need more from me?"
G: "I know you're upset, but shit happens and I'm not always responsible... You can blame me, but it will not change anything. You must accept what fate is giving you.
M: "Did you just say, 'shit?'"
G: "Yes, I did. Build a bridge and get over it, bsm*."
M: "Noted. I suppose you're right, but I still want to drop you like a cheap book. Just because. It will take some time, but I still believe that you are responsible in some way. I have to blame someone and you're the only one in the room... And for the record, in March of 1990, I had to do it... Two months later, it changed everything for me. It was a safe bet, okay? For me, man. For me."
G: "Okay, geez! Still a little selfish, but I understand. Who isn't a little selfish every now and again? I get it. What are you going to do now?"
M: "As always, I'll press on. I'll weather the storm and I'll keep looking up. You?"
G: "I'm scheduled to attend the solar eclipse on Wednesday. I find it fascinating how the moon cruises between the Earth and the sun, completely obscuring the light. And on Friday, I am probably going to see the new Katherine Heigl movie where she hangs out with that lad from 300. Beyond that, I'm just trying to score some McCartney tickets just like every other bloke on the planet. As it is, I had to call in a favor to secure some U2 tickets for their tour opener in Spain."
M: "I heard that they are playing 'Ultraviolet' and 'The Unforgettable Fire' on this leg."
G: "It was divine. Literally."
M: "That's righteous, but don't change the subject, G. I asked you a question earlier. What else do you need from me? Because what I need is a little understanding... And a little love. Can you handle that, Chief?"
G: "Yes. I think I can handle that... I know what you mean about the love and understanding... I happen to need those things, too... I can't believe you just 'chief'd' me. I'll let it slide this one time. Only because you're from Benbrook, okay?"
M: "Right on. Just know that we haven't settled up just yet."
G: "Noted."

Turning away from the mirror...

I'm waking up now. My heart is tired. Just mend already... It's tough to watch and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I just can't seem to get my arms around it, but I know I'm close to it.

Today's almost over. It's been a commemoration of sorts... He would have been 15 today. She's 18 now. And her eyes still tell me something every single time. Damn. This is hard. Blow by blow... It's the trial we are all a part of... I'm thinking of them in so many different ways... It just can't be... Not now. I should probably stop. I've said what I needed to say... I think.

It rained this morning. I suppose that's a start. And the song that's running through my ears is making me smile.

I have to go now, but check this... Keep the loved ones close and make sure they know, okay? To remember them is to celebrate them. Forever.

There is hope for us...

Love,

bsm*