Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock + 1

This, my last post for 2009... A winter post of some kind...

What a year, huh?

Since my last visit to On My Sleeve, it has snowed on us on a couple of occasions. The snow on Christmas Eve was amazing to watch. I thought it was beautiful. For the first time in a long, long time, we had a white Christmas. As a result, I left Santa 3 more cookies than usual as a sign of "thanks." He gobbled them all up leaving 2 with a note, "1 for you, 1 for Charles."

It's perfectly normal to keep the spirit alive inside. It will always be okay. If you lost it or let it go somewhere along the way, make a special effort to retrieve it in 2010 and believe that it can make the impact you might need to get by... Certain things work in mysterious ways. Just believe.

2009. How was it for you? Did you accomplish what you set out to accomplish? Did you light it up? Did you make a difference? Did you do the right things? Did you set yourself up for an amazing 2010? Did you find something new? Did you forget about you found in 2008? Did you learn something about yourself? Did you grow? Did you say everything you needed to say? Did you laugh enough?

My year flew by... As I write to you, there are so many areas that I can dive into to describe my year. You've seen some of my year through On My Sleeve and like everyone, it can only tell some of the tale. To say that I am anxious for 2010 to begin would be an understatement. I'm ready. And I'm smiling...

Hope your year was good-to-great. Yes? No? There's always next year, right? Stay positive.

We're approaching an end of a decade and all I've seen (as of late) are lists of the best and worst of everything... The past 10 years have produced so many things to recall and remember... I wonder what our decade will come to represent when it's being compared to other decades at the dinner table over the next few years. I like to make lists. Not today, however.

I will say this about music... Wilco's Yankee Hotel Foxtrot might by my album of the decade. Yesterday, it was Takk... by Sigur Ros (really, any one of their efforts could be #1). On Christmas Day, it was Death Cab For Cutie's Transatlanticism. On 12/15, it was Boxer by The National. But on Thanksgiving, Heartbreaker by Ryan Adams was on top. Sometime during the days leading up to Christmas, Explosions In The Sky had my heart with The Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place. Of course, I have to reference Oh, Inverted World by The Shins. It could be #1, but not today. Kill Them With Kindness by The Jealous Sound is perfect, but is it my album of the decade? Three weeks ago, it was... Powder Burns by The Twilight Singers truly bends my mind, but I had I settle on Wilco. For so many reasons... No list is ever perfect and mine really isn't really a list, but I kept going back to what YHF means on a larger scale. If you have it (and you should), you know exactly where I'm coming from... It's a good shotgun passenger for the moments that.......... Does it define the decade in music? No and I'm cool with that... Music evolved over the last 10 years and in many ways, it went out of its way to be 100% terrible. Honestly, what's spinning out there now has found at least 77 ways to annoy my inner ear. In other cases, so much music took my breathe away and challenged my ears over and over again. (Pause) Ten years of anything will age in different ways, but YHF really turned into a fine wine that rewards with every sip. Still, to this day, it makes me think. So, there you have it... My #1.

Be careful as you cross into next year. Keep both eyes open and stay away from the pink champagne. When midnight hits, hold someone close to you and make the embrace last. Steal a kiss or two and smile. Don't be shy. Do this under the full moon that will be glowing above you... I especially like that we're getting a second full moon this month. A "blue moon," if you will... A New Year's Eve blue moon only happens in 19 year increments. Remember where you are when you see it... Protect the memory.

And as you make your new year resolutions, think about where you were and where you want to be... Oh, and sometime next year, remember to enjoy a slice of key lime pie with an Oreo cookie crust. Somewhere, anywhere.

Reminder to myself: Pick up suit from tailor & start list.

So...

As 2009 comes to a close, I want to end my 12/30 post with something that has floated in and around my mind for a little while... This isn't as odd as it may seem, I assure you. I have my reasons. You should know that a couple of things lifted me to this point...

On my knees, looking down, with my thumbs overlapping... I give you "her prayer..."

God, please open your heart - for her sweet dream is about to start.
Guide her through our snow - and give her my angel, so to share.
And give her the assurance that we will always be there.
My heart, there's room - give it to her to create and consume.
You brought her here for me to see, me in her and her in me.
Allow her to see clearly, hoping for gentle days.
Hearing your music, letting our spirits stay.
So, God, please protect her and give her sweet dreams each night.
And for me, always fill her soul with our love and light.

Goodnight.

Yours,

bsm*

flurries, hope & the spirit of...

Checked the forecast this morning and it looks like I might get some flurries sometime today. Nice. Exciting, actually.

Need to take care of a few things before Santa rolls in...

I'd like to wish you and yours a very Happy Christmas. From my tree house to yours... A day early, I know, but Christmas Eve means just as much to me as Christmas Day. My parents always made it that way.

I'm feeling some morning cider right about now. Need something warm. A little drafty up here...

Hey Charles*.

Keep warm today, tonight, tomorrow and don't forget your gloves...

Sing.

With my goggles on,

bsm*

$8.03

Just a few more days until Santa makes his annual stop... Hope you were good this year... I bet you were...

Do you know what today is? Today marks the winter solstice. This day, our 21st of December, will be the shortest day of the year and this will also be the longest night of the year. I think this is fascinating... And I really dig the fact that it is also the first day of winter. To commemorate, I just took a long sip of something so very good. Yummy, in fact. Here's to feeling the sun standing still. I enjoy these kinds of things.

So... Going anywhere for the holiday? If so, where? How long will your journey be? I ask because it seems that this is a natural question people ask when holidays are nearby. Personally, I'll be by my campfire near my family watching the clouds turn into their usual holiday shapes and sizes. I really enjoy being close to them during this time.

I was just thinking...

The warmth of the season can really be overwhelming for some, but there is also a part of the season that can really affect people in strange ways. It really is the season to be with your family and in that, we recognize the ones that may not have what we have... For many, it's quite possibly the happiest time of year. But for some, this can be the loneliest time of year. It can be so sad for so many for so many different reasons. There is so much under the layers. Do you agree? During this holiday season, find your holiday comfort somewhere and embrace it with with everything you have... I truly hope that you have someone to celebrate your emotions with and I want to know that you have someone to share that perfect holiday memory with... If it's a friend, right on. If it's family, even better. If it's a relative of any sort, embrace it... But if you're alone or are feeling like you are all alone, so be it. Just know that you'll never be alone with me around. I'm here.

The holidays and the spirit of giving and receiving... Sometimes, we help where we can and sometimes we give what we can... Choices. For them, for us. The acts of kindness around this year probably tip the scales as opposed to April and May. This is a good start.

Here's an example of what I am talking about... On Friday, the 4th, I found myself back in Austin. Trying to parallel my auto on a busy 6th Street during Happy Hour, I found the perfect spot near the spot I wanted to enjoy a pint in... I was so thirsty. Clearly struggling to make the perfect park, I noticed a dude in a wheelchair rolling my way from about 20 feet away... He passed me by and as I looked over my left shoulder, I saw him back up... He started waving me in and gave me the best hand signals ever (world-class to be honest)... Two feet here, 1.5 there, hold, come back another foot, etc... You get the picture. After a minute or so, I successfully parked, but before I turned the ignition off, I lowered the window and said, "Dude, thanks for your help, as you can see, I suck at parking, so I really appreciate your help. How 'bout a beer, my treat? You name the flavor and size."

This is what happened next...

Him: "Actually, I can't drink, but I could use some money for a warm meal."
Me: (at this very moment, I made a choice and went with my gut throwing all reason away)
Me: "Check this, what if I just buy you some grub and we'll call it even. I'd like to help you because you really helped me out..."
Him: "Wow, you'd do that? That sounds like a plan. My name is Matthew, by the way." (he offered his good hand)
Me: "And I'm (insert bsm* here). (we shook hands, my right, his right)
Matthew: "Nice to know you."
bsm*: "Right on. What do you have in mind? Lots of choices around us..."
Matthew: "There's this 24 hour place a block up that serves some really good fried chicken. That'll work. (it was 5:05pm)
bsm*: "Fair enough. Chicken it is! Let's go there... I have to ask, how did you get jammed up in a wheelchair?"
Matthew: "I was crushed in a car accident in Florida 7 years ago. It was bad. I came here to Texas to find some better luck."
bsm*: "Gotcha, well, I'm sorry about the accident, that sounds terrible, but you're in a good city. There are worse towns to be in... I'm from Benbrook, myself. Cool. Looks like this is the place!" (the 24 HR sign was huge - could be seen a mile away)
Matthew: "All you have to do is walk to the back and the chicken is there on the left. It's so good!"
bsm*: "Sweet, I'll be back in a few.

(this convenient store had a deep fried aroma to it that was unforgettable in a good way - possibly the best scent ever if you're starving - I wasn't, but still - anyway, I scored the meal (picked 2 pieces out of the 4 remaining) and improvised on a couple of things - so I walked out and waved Matthew over - there was a massive crowd around him and I needed some privacy - just for us)

bsm*: "Okay, dude, here you go... A good lookin' wing, a decent thigh, a bag of Ruffles Sour Cream & Onion potato chips, a chocolate chip cookie (it was as heavy as a small pizza, seriously) and a 20 oz. Coca Cola... I hope this helps, man. You're right, the chicken smells delicious."
Matthew: "You have no idea, bsm*, this is great! Thank you. Thanks a bunch. This will help tonight."
bsm*: "We're good, dude. Merry Christmas, Matthew."
Matthew: "Have a good Christmas, bsm*!"

As I walked towards the corner of the street, some older dude approached me... He walked up next to me and said this, "I saw what you did, man, that was a great thing you just did, saw the whole thing!" I half-replied (as I walked passed him) with, "Not sure what you're talking about, nothing happened..." Something told me that I needed to keep some anonymity, but I'm not sure why... Odd.

I finally made it to a darkened Shakespeare's where 3 people sat watching ESPN. Given the time of day, it looked happily lonely, but it was the perfect place to sit down and think about the season. I placed my order and took my stool. I will say this... The barkeep looked to have poured me an average looking Guinness. Keep in mind that there is a science to pouring the perfect pint (this was far from perfect), but I was not going to complain... Not on this day. It was delicious, but in a different kind of way. My second was even better (thanks to Scooter & Milo). I sat and thought about Matthew and wondered if he enjoyed the meal the way I was enjoying my beer... I also wondered if he flipped it for drugs or bartered it away for a small steak or something... Those were fleeting thoughts and they lasted about 2 seconds each. I really don't care what he did with the bag of grub I bought for him... Like anyone, I hope that he really did enjoy the meal and, as I type this to you, I feel like he did and I would like to believe he even remembers my name. It's not likely that he did, but there is a chance he did and that makes me feel good about the short time I spent on the 300 block of 6th Street. Unlike some things, overanalyzing this encounter was really not an option for me. An hour later, my time there was up and I was off to another something or other.......... I'll always think about my few minutes with Matthew and what that whole tiny episode meant because there was a bigger message at hand.

You might wonder why I would recall such a story because people all over the world do these kinds of things on an hourly basis. Or at least have these kinds of encounters on a weekly basis... Not that it was foreign to me or new to my world, but it was one of those "you had to be there, you had to see the story his eyes told..." I trust you'd do the same, but maybe not... It's cool either way because Matthew's act of kindness towards me will always be remembered in my mind as just that... An act of kindness. My "thank you" to him came in a different form. An edible one that could be considered an act of kindness, but really, it was just another way of saying, "thanks, man." He didn't have to help me and I didn't have to help him. We didn't have to help each other out, but I'm glad we made the effort.

My story's not that special, but I feel like talking about it because it affected me on a certain level that I'll always keep close. I'll never forget his smile because I'm not sure I've ever seen a more thankful smile.

Was I suckered? Maybe. Was I taken advantage of? It's possible. Does it matter? At this time of writing... No.

Is your heart in the right place? I feel like mine is... And here's to keeping it there... Cheers.

Sleep well.

- me

One more thing. Sing your favorite Christmas carol with someone tonight. Make it count.

Everything came back to me. (for you)

Some things just come full circle and this post is no exception. I want to share something with you that I keep close. Something that is as close to me as anything or anyone I have ever adored... It begins here...

Tom and Jerry, "The Night Before Christmas," 1941

I looked and looked for this... Going back in time to find something that touched me as a kid is hard, but I found it. For you. No one knows this about me, but I have a favorite Tom & Jerry cartoon. Like most humans, I grew up eating cereal in front of the TV. Usually in the dark and before everyone woke up. Before school, before whatever my day would bring, before water showered my body, but always after I brushed my teeth. I ended up falling in love with the idea of the cartoon. Old cartoons that stood on their own as short movies that would eventually win awards and ultimately stand the test of time. I can't imagine my life without them, providing some of the building blocks for the person I would become years later... Cartoons taught me certain things. Many things that I have told you about over the hours we have managed to steal from life. They didn't teach me everything because I didn't like all cartoons, just certain ones and certain characters. Not because I could relate to them, but because, in my own way, I lived by them and dreamed through them. It was make-believe, but through images, sketches, drawings, color, musical scores, etc... Something amazing.

I remember seeing "The Night Before Christmas" as a little guy in Benbrook, TX in our living room. It was cold outside and it was so dark outside, it was blue-black. Early in the morning and on a school day. I was probably 6 or 7 years old. I had my robe on... It was so choice. I'll never forget that robe. It was before Thanksgiving because our Christmas tree wasn't up yet... Some of the memory is vague, but I remember exactly where the TV was positioned... In the corner in front on the bookcase and next to the hearth. A big console color TV that my dad was so proud of... A real piece of furniture where the wood casing defined it's worth. I loved that TV.

I would end up catching this special cartoon over the years and even caught a glimpse of it a few years ago. I did my homework and looked up its history. I learned that it was nominated for an Academy Award and that it was the third Tom & Jerry cartoon ever... Kind of cool because I had many cartoon favorites, but this one was different. It was different because as I grew up, I would look back on this one with a certain sentimental point of view. It had its place inside that I would reflect on with so much happiness. It showed me so many things... I felt like I was part Tom and part Jerry. I could honestly see myself being both of them at the same time. Jerry's playful, yet curious innocence and child-like spirit... Tom's natural ways with his vulnerability along with his sense of compassion and regret... - I won't spoil it for you, okay? - I could go on about my feelings for each character, but I will let the short speak for itself. All of these things that encompass me, your Benbrook Bulldog...

The music will take you back to better days. The score is a total throwback to a period where carols felt more divine with a warm religious zeal. It feels so right. The narration, the music carrying the 8+ minutes... It's perfect. To me, it's absolutely perfect. Watch their behavior and look into their eyes. Watch closely. It tells the greatest of stories. Live it with them.

Life is full of surprises.

"The Night Before Christmas" taught me so much... It's me in a certain nutshell. I don't know what you will see in it, but maybe you'll see some of me. Maybe not.

Do me the best favor ever and share this with someone. Someone you know, someone you love, someone you once knew, someone you work with, someone who owes you, someone who helps you, someone who looks up to you, someone who needs you, someone who protects you, someone who makes you laugh, someone who understands you, someone who doesn't even know that they are a "someone" to you, someone who is looking for something more...

Let them know... They just don't make them like this anymore.

Once again, life is full of surprises.

Sleep in heavenly peace.

http://blip.tv/file/828425

Yours tonight,

bsm*

Strutter.

Hello again.

It's time to (officially) recognize the upcoming Christmas holiday... Seems we're approaching the end of a decade. Your "Best Of" list is waiting for you.

Shite, gotta bolt. I'm late.

FYI: Seeing KISS 30 years after seeing them for the first time yesterday was something to behold. In my world, they still matter... Scotch-tape and all...

Thanks, Mom & Dad, for keeping me company. I love you both so much.

Your son.

More later...

Eye before E, except after See!

Just be in love.

Those 4 words are not used nearly enough to matter anymore. This is my take on something that popped into my head earlier today. It came and went in between conversations about expensive skips, Trident Original Flavor chewing gum, Texas A&M banter, interview questions, Benbrook, explaining my presence at the koi pond, cereal choices and why they are important, Play-Doh, security guards, Diet Dr. Pepper, hotels on piers, the song "P.Y.T.," staying up until 4:00am, Slush Puppie cups, Fadoh in Denver, nachos, the significance of soft lamp light and snow days.

If you could hear what is pumping through my eardrums right now, you would be so excited about what's coming up next...

I have some action items that need tending to over the next couple of hours. Marking them off the list is key before tomorrow finds me.

Moving on... "Just be in love." Think about those 4 words and think about the last time you let yourself drift in that moment. Where nothing was forced and where nothing was expected... Was it a moment? Was it a person? Pick one and go with it. Enjoy it for what it is and give in to it. Give yourself that treat and count your blessings that you are capable of having a moment like that at any given time if you just let some of the thought process go...

I'm just sayin'... Don't over think what shouldn't be thought about in the first place. Sometimes, thinking ruins the point. There's a bigger topic here and I'm merely scratching the surface. I'm not going anywhere with this, but I tried... I may have to re-visit this post, but maybe a point has already been made... Not sure. You decide.

The phone's ringing...

I have to play the last song over again. I wasn't ready for it to end. Of course, the next one is totally boss.

Goodnight to you.

- your fan

P.S. The moon was gorgeous last night.

No introductions... Charles*

Your holiday rainbow lights spoke volumes...

Cheers.

It's the first day of December and I'm back from my holiday. Mine was as perfect as perfect can get. I'm biased, of course, but I'm betting that yours kicked ass, too. How was it? Like me, did you need an extra day to just be?

"I'm not sure that all of my dreams will come true, but right here, somehow, I'm that much closer..." - Me (to a stranger on Thanksgiving Day in Astoria)

When I said this, I had one casual eye on the person in front of me... Her name was Irina. And I had my good eye focused on the window over her left shoulder. It was cold and it was raining and it was beautiful. Rainwater on glass does one of two things... 1) It either distorts what's behind the window so much that you can't see anything beyond the blur or 2) It creates a different point of view giving you endless points of reference to let your internal poetry run wild. The one who is looking in or the one who is looking out benefits one way or the other. Tracy said that I picked a good place to sit. Irina agreed. These two kept us engaged on this national holiday and it felt right. Spontaneous, but right. This is not as significant as it may seem, but it merits being mentioned...

Quick thought: [scrubs] (version 2) premiered tonight. Thoughts? A resurrection? Did it satisfy? Did it rock? Did the encore measure up to the full set? In a word, "yes." Damn, Bill's good, scary good. Me? I see something and someone in...

So, here are 10 things that are on my mind right now...

1) Bring it on. Bring reserves. You'll need 'em.

2) I (now) know 5 people who go by the name, "Joy." In March of 2008, I met the second one. And over the last month, I've encountered 3 more... I find this interesting. You won't... But in that group, I now have a favorite.

3) I still need to scrawl about a field trip I took back in September. I'm waiting for the right time. And song...

4) Speaking of songs, I recently added this song to a playlist that I unknowingly built... "Now That You're Gone" It's funny what a drive in the rain is capable of...

5) I have to return two phone calls. They even left messages... Thanks. That was nice of you.

6) This band name is possibly the best band name I've heard in 6 years. "We Were Promised Jetpacks" They deserve a medal.

7) "It all started in a playground....................." Finish that story for me, please. I can't.

8) To me, "The Goonies House" is just as significant as Graceland. Prove me wrong.

9) I can't believe that it's really Christmas time again. And yes, I think it's okay to believe in Santa Claus. He never lets me down the way that other Dude does...

10) For the record, when entering the aircraft, I'll always give him a quick pat... As long as I live... We all need some good luck. A superstitious move, I know, but it's my thing. It took and I'm keeping the move. It's not very often that we get to do these kinds of things. This will make sense to one person I know.

So, that's it! Ten things on the first...

I'm sleepy. Let's connect later over a couple of peanut butter jellies and Tom & Jerry.

Sweet. bsm*