My lariat, my dignity, my lunch.

I woke up this morning and started flipping some channels... I landed on Channel 332. I came across something shocking... At least, it was "shocking" to me. Something I have never seen... I found myself watching the last half of a video that was equal parts disturbing and fascinating, but in a sad, sad, world-could-possibly-end kind of way. Utterly shocking...

This is my take.

I had just woken up, but as I focused in, my eyes found themselves fixated on several people who were frolicking around on screen. Anything anyone has ever seen in a big budgeted music video was captured here in full effect from:

a) Too-cool-for-you convertible cars (think Cadillac & limousine)
b) Scantily-clad women & cheerleaders & more scantily-clad women
c) Blow up dolls (?)
d) Males and females smiling as they fake-sing (don't do that, ever)
e) Fur coats
f) EVERYONE wearing sunglasses
g) A marching band
h) Assorted groupies who won tickets to be in the shoot
i) A midget (or little person) holding something - in this case, twirling an umbrella
j) I really could go on and on and on...

The song that accompanied this video? "Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)" by Big & Rich.

Huh? Wha? Who? How? Ba, ba? Moo, moo?

Let's dig in...

To start, I've heard these clowns before, but mostly as background noise, y'know, the kind of noise people hear at any event that ends with "-fest." Or at any bar that has a poor music supervisor...

I understand that from 2004 to present day, this song speaks to millions of Americans who enjoy their share of country, rock and hip-hop. And humor. I also understand that these two "artists" are accomplished songwriters and have written many songs for a number of popular singers today. Their list of collaborations with other "superstars" is also something to marvel at... This does not surprise me, but it does scare me.

I'm not even sure which one is Big and which one is Rich, but by gauging the size of the jaw and chin of the blonde one, I would have to guess that he is "Big." Just spit-balling here, but I am 98% certain that you could house an entire cheese tray on this guy's chin. To clarify the volume, I'm talking about the kind of assorted cheeses and crackers that would feed an overly popular 23 yr old expectant mommy's baby shower on the Saturday before Easter. Yeah, I know... Precious.

In the video, Big & Rich whore themselves around with obnoxious Ted Nugent grins... With every nationality surrounding them, supporting their (more-than-likely) bachelorette party "anthem." Well, for any party, really, but "bachelorette" seems to fit my mood right now... Whatever. Everyone is happy and the smiles are bigger than the states of Texas and Tennessee put together. Even the dude slinging the imaginary lasso around while leading the marching band is having the time of his life, like he was being tickled for the first time. Ever! Every single person in the video is parading around like they just made the Top 12 on American Idol.

Is this all it takes? This is what people want to see? Really?

Who is directing this motley crew of jesters? Who's responsible? Who's in charge? Why does the little person have a mean scowl on his face? What is he trying to tell me? Who's on patrol? Is this banned in Europe? Why isn't is banned here? Has Rob Dickinson seen this? Why do I have this urge to start a support group? For what? I don't know...

It's amazing that this garbage gets manufactured and I haven't even gotten to the song yet... Good grief, the song... The title! I can't even go there...

I've wasted a perfectly good post on this and I'm losing focus. Because I am starving right now, I'll stop here.

So, in closing, Big & Rich took something away from me this morning... To an extent, I feel violated... It was my fault.

I need a shower.

Later, bsm*