On My Sleeve.

It was wrapped up like a trophy.

2010-01-13T21:38:00.000-08:00

Today, the 13th day of January... I made it. On My Sleeve turns 1 today. Never thought I would make it... Not that 365 days is some Mt. Everest or something, but for me, a Benbrook Bulldog, it means everything.

In the last year, I've laughed, I've cried, I've said hello to so many and have said goodbye to so many more... The things I've said, the things I've done... The things I've written... The things I've worn... I feel like I have let you in. Just a little. And that, to me, equals a positive campaign. There is so much more to say, I think.

And it all started with a quote. It couldn't have started any other way.

Time to go away and think it all up again... Who knows?

And here we are now...

I'd like to complete my run by sharing something that I keep very close to me. It's actually the first thing that was published on my behalf for someone else for a special reason. It required my approval, of course, but at the end of the day, I'm not really sure what's out there with my signature... Oh well, this one's official. This much I know. Looking at it now, I'm proud of the place this piece took me to all those years ago. It truly explains itself.

When I scrawled it out in 1998, I was all alone in my kitchen. It was dark outside. I remember that I was wearing this overly warm cream sweater with (arguably) the ugliest army green shorts I owned at the time. No belt, just rope (yes, I was in that phase). Those shorts are long gone, but I still have the rope (came in handy in 2005). I was super comfortable in my stitched-up Adilettes that were beautifully broken and bandaged... In the background, Catherine Wheel were doing their thing with Chrome. At the hand-me-down dinner table... With a #2 pencil in my hand with a keg cup of sweet tea to my right, I went to work and crafted the following...

the clouds are the bridges...

only when you see the harbor below do you realize that you are not alone... stay one time with me and find the heart that you left behind. my tired soul, withering away in darkness. i am looking for you. the strength in my hands, my fists full of sadness. let it go and cry away those sheets of rain. let it come down. to leave the mountain and scar the land... all of the angry trees standing tall in purity. this heart, my heart... it bleeds with hope as i have one more question for you on this cloudy afternoon. will you let me swim into the abyss of your eyes and spend some time in your soul? i need you a you need me... i am looking for something... a new light on my life as i have been gray for some time... to strike the others down, bringing the wishing tree closer... to us. leave us alone... my race against time... equipped with my heart in one hand, my soul in the other... nothing to hide, frightened... my dreams for you... only you can see what the wind has given me. you love me as i love you. entering this world blank and loveless... i have always loved you. follow me into the fields... i was young, only nine... what is love, what is hate? the words of this word meant greatness and certainty. to define this love, endlessly... you, my sweet flower. you are mine as i am yours. hold on to me as we climb into the dreams of the clouds. to hold you forever, a sign of my true devotion for a lifetime with you... as another story ends, another begins... in this sleep. sweet my dearest one. may we both fare well into the night.

bsm*

twenty three november nineteen ninety eight anno domini...

I never wore that sweater again.

So... That's it.

Well......... Here we go...

From Team OMS... Small and bowed, I would like to offer you my eternal thanks for your honest attention... And my sincerest hopes for a solid year, full of beauty and grace with little darkness in your path.

Take care of yourself and be good to the ones that matter on every level... And don't forget to remember where you came from... Spend a few moments thinking about Haiti. Realize that it could happen anytime, anywhere. The reality of it all is sobering... Make every embrace last and make every "I love you" count. Love big. Cherish what's yours and don't leave those stones unturned. You just might find an answer or two. Believe me.

1/13 to 1/13. In the books.

What's next for us? You first.

So long...

Always and forever,

me (at #78)

S. H. P. L.

"When you wear my flower, you make it look beautiful." - E.P.D. (1950)

2010-01-10T09:21:00.000-08:00

I woke up thinking about a few things that I have failed to elaborate on over the last few months. And because it's on my mind now, I'd like to dig in a little deeper. Do you have some time? Cheers.

This one's for Charles. A couple of treats when I'm done, okay? By my side. Good boy.

When I was a little dude, somewhere between 10 and 12, I saw "Harvey" for the first time. It was one of those comedies that my mom would talk and laugh about during Saturday afternoon sandwich time. I remember enjoying the black & white flick and I remember thinking that my parents were probably my age (at the time) when it was released in 1950.

To explain why I am writing about this now is challenging because there is a part of me that feels like this whole blog idea is a direct result of the impact "Harvey" has made on my life. Truth be told, OMS would probably not exist if "Harvey" did not exist in my life. Yes, it's that important to me. To see and appreciate this beloved Jimmy Stewart movie is to understand so many things about me as a person, a believer, a friend and a dreamer.

So much can be taken from this film. I'd like to take a stab at it from another angle and approach it in my upside-down way. If you haven't seen this gem, I'll give you the following: It's about Elwood and Harvey. And to capture some of its majesty, I'm going to reference a couple of passages that might say more about me than anything I've probably written over the last year. You really have to see these lines being acted out, but I'll do my best to deliver the gentle dialogue. Read between the lines, but don't go too deep. Let it float around...

Spoken with all the sincerity in the world...

Elwood P. Dowd (after being asked how he and Harvey met - w/ quiet pride on his mug): "I'd just put Ed Hickey into a taxi. Ed had been mixing his rye with his gin and I just felt that he needed conveying. Well, anyway, I was walking down along the street and I heard this voice saying, 'Good evening, Mr. Dowd.' Well, I turned around and here was this big six-foot rabbit leaning up against a lamp-post. Well, I thought nothing of that because when you've lived in a town as long as I've lived in this one, you get used to the fact that everybody knows your name. And naturally I went over to chat with him. And he said to me... He said, 'Ed Hickey was a little spiffed this evening or could I be mistaken?' Well, of course, he was not mistaken. I think the world and all of Ed, but he was spiffed. Well, we talked like that for awhile and then I said to him, I said, 'You have the advantage on me. You know my name and I don't know yours.' And... and right back at me, he said, 'What name do you like?' Well, I didn't even have to think twice about that. Harvey's always been my favorite name. So I said to him... I said, 'Harvey.' And... Uh... This is the interesting thing about the whole thing... He said, 'What a coincidence. My name happens to be Harvey.'"

This is possibly the sweetest exchange ever... The impact that this simple introduction makes cannot really be measured and in those few moments, we genuinely feel the belief Elwood has in his friend. This scene tugs at my heart every time. Your imagination can light up New York City if you let it... It's good to let it roam from time to time. What are you afraid of?

Here's another passage that I truly enjoy... This one really explains Elwood's world, and in his explanation, larger ideas are touched upon...

Elwood P. Dowd (explaining the friendship wearing a sensitive smile): "Harvey and I sit in the bars... have a drink or two... play the juke box. And soon the faces of all the other people - they turn toward mine and they smile. And they're saying, 'We don't know your name, mister, but you're a very nice fella.' Harvey and I warm ourselves in all these golden moments. We've entered as strangers - soon, we have friends. And they come over... and they sit with us... and they drink with us... and they talk to us. They tell about the big terrible things they've done and the big wonderful things they'll do. Their hopes, and their regrets, and their loves, and their hates. All very large, because nobody ever brings anything small into a bar. And then I introduce them to Harvey... and he's bigger and grander than anything they offer me. And when they leave, they leave impressed. The same people seldom come back... but that's envy, my dear. There's a little bit of envy in the best of us."

Here, Elwood wraps it all up nice and neat in the shiniest of wrapping paper. And the line, "nobody ever brings..." is the spun-from-gold ribbon he uses to tie it up. The bow comes in the line, "but that's envy, my dear." To me, this is an important moment because it touches so many levels of society and who we might be as citizens. Just a couple of pals getting by doing their thing... Even when you're alone, you're not lonely. Novel, I think. The idea of "I have to see it to believe it" doesn't apply here... It's the other way around. One has to believe to see...

Over the years, I've been to my share of taverns and pubs and every single time, I take something different away because so much of my experience depends on who I am with, who I see and what I hear... The memories are often perfect and when they're not, I still find something to reflect on even if it's just a stain on a coaster or a ridiculously overplayed Tom Petty song.

Whatever you take from this post, I want you to know that I will always believe in the little things. At the end of the day, different words mean different things to different people. "Harvey" is a hard one to deny and when the mood is right, it.................. Let's just say that it can insert the right amount of character into your slice of pie.

Everyone needs their Harvey.

Recuerde justo que nuestros amigos pueden entrar todo tipo de formas y los tamaño.

I'm smiling at the moment.

Okay, Charlie Dog, let's get those treats now. I'm ready.

bsm*

And we crown ourselves again.

2010-01-08T18:38:00.000-08:00

I suppose it's time to wish you a Happy New Year... A few days removed from 1/1, but it still counts... Honestly, where has the last week gone? I started to throw some action out there a couple of days ago, but I was slightly distracted by something I saw on TV. It settled in and I was hooked... Then the phone rang and it made little sense to answer because I was super-hooked... The "UNAVAILABLE" caller would just have to leave a message. They didn't... It's funny how the little things can attract one's attention - 100%. It did not let go and I was just fine because letting go of each of other was not really an option.

Fact: Elvis Presley would have turned 75 years old today. I'm not sure if I feel really old or really young today.

Earlier today, this playlist serenaded my ears...

- Pavement, Gold Soundz
- The Clash, Somebody Got Murdered
- Bloc Party, Banquet
- Frank Black, Hang On To Your Ego
- The Connells, '74-'75
- Wilco, Can't Stand It
- Further Seems Forever, Just Until Sundown
- Planes Mistaken For Stars, Standing Still Fast
- U2, Spanish Eyes
- Elbow, Powder Blue
- Black Tie Dynasty, On Your Last Night In Town
- The Smiths, Reel Around The Fountain
- Dinosaur Jr, Water
- Glasvegas, Lonesome Swan
- The Pogues, Lorca's Novena
- Ned's Atomic Dustbin, Spring
- Bob Mould, Next Time That You Leave
- Unrest, Make Out Club
- Duvall, The Moon Looks Like A Tomato
- Cross My Heart, Angels & Gargoyles
- Catherine Wheel, Satellite
- Samiam, Ordinary Life
- The Ocean Blue, Crash
- South, Paint The Silence
- Tripping Daisy, Brown-Eyed Pickle Boy

My grade: "C+"

I hope that you had a good week. It's a new year and I'm on my way... Let's do something BIG in 2010, shall we? Are you ready for this year? Are you ready for the dance? Are you bracing yourself for the beauty of it all? Do you have enough juice? Are the reservations set? Do they know? Have you checked in with your heart lately?

I like my odds.

I'm craving popcorn right now. Lightly salted with a few drops of melted butter...

More later...

Mittens on at the penalty spot,

#19

Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock + 1

2009-12-30T20:12:00.000-08:00

This, my last post for 2009... A winter post of some kind...

What a year, huh?

Since my last visit to On My Sleeve, it has snowed on us on a couple of occasions. The snow on Christmas Eve was amazing to watch. I thought it was beautiful. For the first time in a long, long time, we had a white Christmas. As a result, I left Santa 3 more cookies than usual as a sign of "thanks." He gobbled them all up leaving 2 with a note, "1 for you, 1 for Charles."

It's perfectly normal to keep the spirit alive inside. It will always be okay. If you lost it or let it go somewhere along the way, make a special effort to retrieve it in 2010 and believe that it can make the impact you might need to get by... Certain things work in mysterious ways. Just believe.

2009. How was it for you? Did you accomplish what you set out to accomplish? Did you light it up? Did you make a difference? Did you do the right things? Did you set yourself up for an amazing 2010? Did you find something new? Did you forget about you found in 2008? Did you learn something about yourself? Did you grow? Did you say everything you needed to say? Did you laugh enough?

My year flew by... As I write to you, there are so many areas that I can dive into to describe my year. You've seen some of my year through On My Sleeve and like everyone, it can only tell some of the tale. To say that I am anxious for 2010 to begin would be an understatement. I'm ready. And I'm smiling...

Hope your year was good-to-great. Yes? No? There's always next year, right? Stay positive.

We're approaching an end of a decade and all I've seen (as of late) are lists of the best and worst of everything... The past 10 years have produced so many things to recall and remember... I wonder what our decade will come to represent when it's being compared to other decades at the dinner table over the next few years. I like to make lists. Not today, however.

I will say this about music... Wilco's Yankee Hotel Foxtrot might by my album of the decade. Yesterday, it was Takk... by Sigur Ros (really, any one of their efforts could be #1). On Christmas Day, it was Death Cab For Cutie's Transatlanticism. On 12/15, it was Boxer by The National. But on Thanksgiving, Heartbreaker by Ryan Adams was on top. Sometime during the days leading up to Christmas, Explosions In The Sky had my heart with The Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place. Of course, I have to reference Oh, Inverted World by The Shins. It could be #1, but not today. Kill Them With Kindness by The Jealous Sound is perfect, but is it my album of the decade? Three weeks ago, it was... Powder Burns by The Twilight Singers truly bends my mind, but I had I settle on Wilco. For so many reasons... No list is ever perfect and mine really isn't really a list, but I kept going back to what YHF means on a larger scale. If you have it (and you should), you know exactly where I'm coming from... It's a good shotgun passenger for the moments that.......... Does it define the decade in music? No and I'm cool with that... Music evolved over the last 10 years and in many ways, it went out of its way to be 100% terrible. Honestly, what's spinning out there now has found at least 77 ways to annoy my inner ear. In other cases, so much music took my breathe away and challenged my ears over and over again. (Pause) Ten years of anything will age in different ways, but YHF really turned into a fine wine that rewards with every sip. Still, to this day, it makes me think. So, there you have it... My #1.

Be careful as you cross into next year. Keep both eyes open and stay away from the pink champagne. When midnight hits, hold someone close to you and make the embrace last. Steal a kiss or two and smile. Don't be shy. Do this under the full moon that will be glowing above you... I especially like that we're getting a second full moon this month. A "blue moon," if you will... A New Year's Eve blue moon only happens in 19 year increments. Remember where you are when you see it... Protect the memory.

And as you make your new year resolutions, think about where you were and where you want to be... Oh, and sometime next year, remember to enjoy a slice of key lime pie with an Oreo cookie crust. Somewhere, anywhere.

Reminder to myself: Pick up suit from tailor & start list.

So...

As 2009 comes to a close, I want to end my 12/30 post with something that has floated in and around my mind for a little while... This isn't as odd as it may seem, I assure you. I have my reasons. You should know that a couple of things lifted me to this point...

On my knees, looking down, with my thumbs overlapping... I give you "her prayer..."

God, please open your heart - for her sweet dream is about to start.
Guide her through our snow - and give her my angel, so to share.
And give her the assurance that we will always be there.
My heart, there's room - give it to her to create and consume.
You brought her here for me to see, me in her and her in me.
Allow her to see clearly, hoping for gentle days.
Hearing your music, letting our spirits stay.
So, God, please protect her and give her sweet dreams each night.
And for me, always fill her soul with our love and light.

Goodnight.

Yours,

bsm*

flurries, hope & the spirit of...

2009-12-24T06:25:00.000-08:00

Checked the forecast this morning and it looks like I might get some flurries sometime today. Nice. Exciting, actually.

Need to take care of a few things before Santa rolls in...

I'd like to wish you and yours a very Happy Christmas. From my tree house to yours... A day early, I know, but Christmas Eve means just as much to me as Christmas Day. My parents always made it that way.

I'm feeling some morning cider right about now. Need something warm. A little drafty up here...

Hey Charles*.

Keep warm today, tonight, tomorrow and don't forget your gloves...

Sing.

With my goggles on,

bsm*

$8.03

2009-12-21T18:53:00.000-08:00

Just a few more days until Santa makes his annual stop... Hope you were good this year... I bet you were...

Do you know what today is? Today marks the winter solstice. This day, our 21st of December, will be the shortest day of the year and this will also be the longest night of the year. I think this is fascinating... And I really dig the fact that it is also the first day of winter. To commemorate, I just took a long sip of something so very good. Yummy, in fact. Here's to feeling the sun standing still. I enjoy these kinds of things.

So... Going anywhere for the holiday? If so, where? How long will your journey be? I ask because it seems that this is a natural question people ask when holidays are nearby. Personally, I'll be by my campfire near my family watching the clouds turn into their usual holiday shapes and sizes. I really enjoy being close to them during this time.

I was just thinking...

The warmth of the season can really be overwhelming for some, but there is also a part of the season that can really affect people in strange ways. It really is the season to be with your family and in that, we recognize the ones that may not have what we have... For many, it's quite possibly the happiest time of year. But for some, this can be the loneliest time of year. It can be so sad for so many for so many different reasons. There is so much under the layers. Do you agree? During this holiday season, find your holiday comfort somewhere and embrace it with with everything you have... I truly hope that you have someone to celebrate your emotions with and I want to know that you have someone to share that perfect holiday memory with... If it's a friend, right on. If it's family, even better. If it's a relative of any sort, embrace it... But if you're alone or are feeling like you are all alone, so be it. Just know that you'll never be alone with me around. I'm here.

The holidays and the spirit of giving and receiving... Sometimes, we help where we can and sometimes we give what we can... Choices. For them, for us. The acts of kindness around this year probably tip the scales as opposed to April and May. This is a good start.

Here's an example of what I am talking about... On Friday, the 4th, I found myself back in Austin. Trying to parallel my auto on a busy 6th Street during Happy Hour, I found the perfect spot near the spot I wanted to enjoy a pint in... I was so thirsty. Clearly struggling to make the perfect park, I noticed a dude in a wheelchair rolling my way from about 20 feet away... He passed me by and as I looked over my left shoulder, I saw him back up... He started waving me in and gave me the best hand signals ever (world-class to be honest)... Two feet here, 1.5 there, hold, come back another foot, etc... You get the picture. After a minute or so, I successfully parked, but before I turned the ignition off, I lowered the window and said, "Dude, thanks for your help, as you can see, I suck at parking, so I really appreciate your help. How 'bout a beer, my treat? You name the flavor and size."

This is what happened next...

Him: "Actually, I can't drink, but I could use some money for a warm meal."
Me: (at this very moment, I made a choice and went with my gut throwing all reason away)
Me: "Check this, what if I just buy you some grub and we'll call it even. I'd like to help you because you really helped me out..."
Him: "Wow, you'd do that? That sounds like a plan. My name is Matthew, by the way." (he offered his good hand)
Me: "And I'm (insert bsm* here). (we shook hands, my right, his right)
Matthew: "Nice to know you."
bsm*: "Right on. What do you have in mind? Lots of choices around us..."
Matthew: "There's this 24 hour place a block up that serves some really good fried chicken. That'll work. (it was 5:05pm)
bsm*: "Fair enough. Chicken it is! Let's go there... I have to ask, how did you get jammed up in a wheelchair?"
Matthew: "I was crushed in a car accident in Florida 7 years ago. It was bad. I came here to Texas to find some better luck."
bsm*: "Gotcha, well, I'm sorry about the accident, that sounds terrible, but you're in a good city. There are worse towns to be in... I'm from Benbrook, myself. Cool. Looks like this is the place!" (the 24 HR sign was huge - could be seen a mile away)
Matthew: "All you have to do is walk to the back and the chicken is there on the left. It's so good!"
bsm*: "Sweet, I'll be back in a few.

(this convenient store had a deep fried aroma to it that was unforgettable in a good way - possibly the best scent ever if you're starving - I wasn't, but still - anyway, I scored the meal (picked 2 pieces out of the 4 remaining) and improvised on a couple of things - so I walked out and waved Matthew over - there was a massive crowd around him and I needed some privacy - just for us)

bsm*: "Okay, dude, here you go... A good lookin' wing, a decent thigh, a bag of Ruffles Sour Cream & Onion potato chips, a chocolate chip cookie (it was as heavy as a small pizza, seriously) and a 20 oz. Coca Cola... I hope this helps, man. You're right, the chicken smells delicious."
Matthew: "You have no idea, bsm*, this is great! Thank you. Thanks a bunch. This will help tonight."
bsm*: "We're good, dude. Merry Christmas, Matthew."
Matthew: "Have a good Christmas, bsm*!"

As I walked towards the corner of the street, some older dude approached me... He walked up next to me and said this, "I saw what you did, man, that was a great thing you just did, saw the whole thing!" I half-replied (as I walked passed him) with, "Not sure what you're talking about, nothing happened..." Something told me that I needed to keep some anonymity, but I'm not sure why... Odd.

I finally made it to a darkened Shakespeare's where 3 people sat watching ESPN. Given the time of day, it looked happily lonely, but it was the perfect place to sit down and think about the season. I placed my order and took my stool. I will say this... The barkeep looked to have poured me an average looking Guinness. Keep in mind that there is a science to pouring the perfect pint (this was far from perfect), but I was not going to complain... Not on this day. It was delicious, but in a different kind of way. My second was even better (thanks to Scooter & Milo). I sat and thought about Matthew and wondered if he enjoyed the meal the way I was enjoying my beer... I also wondered if he flipped it for drugs or bartered it away for a small steak or something... Those were fleeting thoughts and they lasted about 2 seconds each. I really don't care what he did with the bag of grub I bought for him... Like anyone, I hope that he really did enjoy the meal and, as I type this to you, I feel like he did and I would like to believe he even remembers my name. It's not likely that he did, but there is a chance he did and that makes me feel good about the short time I spent on the 300 block of 6th Street. Unlike some things, overanalyzing this encounter was really not an option for me. An hour later, my time there was up and I was off to another something or other.......... I'll always think about my few minutes with Matthew and what that whole tiny episode meant because there was a bigger message at hand.

You might wonder why I would recall such a story because people all over the world do these kinds of things on an hourly basis. Or at least have these kinds of encounters on a weekly basis... Not that it was foreign to me or new to my world, but it was one of those "you had to be there, you had to see the story his eyes told..." I trust you'd do the same, but maybe not... It's cool either way because Matthew's act of kindness towards me will always be remembered in my mind as just that... An act of kindness. My "thank you" to him came in a different form. An edible one that could be considered an act of kindness, but really, it was just another way of saying, "thanks, man." He didn't have to help me and I didn't have to help him. We didn't have to help each other out, but I'm glad we made the effort.

My story's not that special, but I feel like talking about it because it affected me on a certain level that I'll always keep close. I'll never forget his smile because I'm not sure I've ever seen a more thankful smile.

Was I suckered? Maybe. Was I taken advantage of? It's possible. Does it matter? At this time of writing... No.

Is your heart in the right place? I feel like mine is... And here's to keeping it there... Cheers.

Sleep well.

- me

One more thing. Sing your favorite Christmas carol with someone tonight. Make it count.

Everything came back to me. (for you)

2009-12-16T20:21:00.000-08:00

Some things just come full circle and this post is no exception. I want to share something with you that I keep close. Something that is as close to me as anything or anyone I have ever adored... It begins here...

Tom and Jerry, "The Night Before Christmas," 1941

I looked and looked for this... Going back in time to find something that touched me as a kid is hard, but I found it. For you. No one knows this about me, but I have a favorite Tom & Jerry cartoon. Like most humans, I grew up eating cereal in front of the TV. Usually in the dark and before everyone woke up. Before school, before whatever my day would bring, before water showered my body, but always after I brushed my teeth. I ended up falling in love with the idea of the cartoon. Old cartoons that stood on their own as short movies that would eventually win awards and ultimately stand the test of time. I can't imagine my life without them, providing some of the building blocks for the person I would become years later... Cartoons taught me certain things. Many things that I have told you about over the hours we have managed to steal from life. They didn't teach me everything because I didn't like all cartoons, just certain ones and certain characters. Not because I could relate to them, but because, in my own way, I lived by them and dreamed through them. It was make-believe, but through images, sketches, drawings, color, musical scores, etc... Something amazing.

I remember seeing "The Night Before Christmas" as a little guy in Benbrook, TX in our living room. It was cold outside and it was so dark outside, it was blue-black. Early in the morning and on a school day. I was probably 6 or 7 years old. I had my robe on... It was so choice. I'll never forget that robe. It was before Thanksgiving because our Christmas tree wasn't up yet... Some of the memory is vague, but I remember exactly where the TV was positioned... In the corner in front on the bookcase and next to the hearth. A big console color TV that my dad was so proud of... A real piece of furniture where the wood casing defined it's worth. I loved that TV.

I would end up catching this special cartoon over the years and even caught a glimpse of it a few years ago. I did my homework and looked up its history. I learned that it was nominated for an Academy Award and that it was the third Tom & Jerry cartoon ever... Kind of cool because I had many cartoon favorites, but this one was different. It was different because as I grew up, I would look back on this one with a certain sentimental point of view. It had its place inside that I would reflect on with so much happiness. It showed me so many things... I felt like I was part Tom and part Jerry. I could honestly see myself being both of them at the same time. Jerry's playful, yet curious innocence and child-like spirit... Tom's natural ways with his vulnerability along with his sense of compassion and regret... - I won't spoil it for you, okay? - I could go on about my feelings for each character, but I will let the short speak for itself. All of these things that encompass me, your Benbrook Bulldog...

The music will take you back to better days. The score is a total throwback to a period where carols felt more divine with a warm religious zeal. It feels so right. The narration, the music carrying the 8+ minutes... It's perfect. To me, it's absolutely perfect. Watch their behavior and look into their eyes. Watch closely. It tells the greatest of stories. Live it with them.

Life is full of surprises.

"The Night Before Christmas" taught me so much... It's me in a certain nutshell. I don't know what you will see in it, but maybe you'll see some of me. Maybe not.

Do me the best favor ever and share this with someone. Someone you know, someone you love, someone you once knew, someone you work with, someone who owes you, someone who helps you, someone who looks up to you, someone who needs you, someone who protects you, someone who makes you laugh, someone who understands you, someone who doesn't even know that they are a "someone" to you, someone who is looking for something more...

Let them know... They just don't make them like this anymore.

Once again, life is full of surprises.

Sleep in heavenly peace.

http://blip.tv/file/828425

Yours tonight,

bsm*

Strutter.

2009-12-07T20:37:00.001-08:00

Hello again.

It's time to (officially) recognize the upcoming Christmas holiday... Seems we're approaching the end of a decade. Your "Best Of" list is waiting for you.

Shite, gotta bolt. I'm late.

FYI: Seeing KISS 30 years after seeing them for the first time yesterday was something to behold. In my world, they still matter... Scotch-tape and all...

Thanks, Mom & Dad, for keeping me company. I love you both so much.

Your son.

More later...

Eye before E, except after See!

2009-12-03T18:41:00.000-08:00

Just be in love.

Those 4 words are not used nearly enough to matter anymore. This is my take on something that popped into my head earlier today. It came and went in between conversations about expensive skips, Trident Original Flavor chewing gum, Texas A&M banter, interview questions, Benbrook, explaining my presence at the koi pond, cereal choices and why they are important, Play-Doh, security guards, Diet Dr. Pepper, hotels on piers, the song "P.Y.T.," staying up until 4:00am, Slush Puppie cups, Fadoh in Denver, nachos, the significance of soft lamp light and snow days.

If you could hear what is pumping through my eardrums right now, you would be so excited about what's coming up next...

I have some action items that need tending to over the next couple of hours. Marking them off the list is key before tomorrow finds me.

Moving on... "Just be in love." Think about those 4 words and think about the last time you let yourself drift in that moment. Where nothing was forced and where nothing was expected... Was it a moment? Was it a person? Pick one and go with it. Enjoy it for what it is and give in to it. Give yourself that treat and count your blessings that you are capable of having a moment like that at any given time if you just let some of the thought process go...

I'm just sayin'... Don't over think what shouldn't be thought about in the first place. Sometimes, thinking ruins the point. There's a bigger topic here and I'm merely scratching the surface. I'm not going anywhere with this, but I tried... I may have to re-visit this post, but maybe a point has already been made... Not sure. You decide.

The phone's ringing...

I have to play the last song over again. I wasn't ready for it to end. Of course, the next one is totally boss.

Goodnight to you.

- your fan

P.S. The moon was gorgeous last night.

No introductions... Charles*

2009-12-02T17:26:00.000-08:00

Your holiday rainbow lights spoke volumes...

2009-12-01T22:39:00.000-08:00

Cheers.

It's the first day of December and I'm back from my holiday. Mine was as perfect as perfect can get. I'm biased, of course, but I'm betting that yours kicked ass, too. How was it? Like me, did you need an extra day to just be?

"I'm not sure that all of my dreams will come true, but right here, somehow, I'm that much closer..." - Me (to a stranger on Thanksgiving Day in Astoria)

When I said this, I had one casual eye on the person in front of me... Her name was Irina. And I had my good eye focused on the window over her left shoulder. It was cold and it was raining and it was beautiful. Rainwater on glass does one of two things... 1) It either distorts what's behind the window so much that you can't see anything beyond the blur or 2) It creates a different point of view giving you endless points of reference to let your internal poetry run wild. The one who is looking in or the one who is looking out benefits one way or the other. Tracy said that I picked a good place to sit. Irina agreed. These two kept us engaged on this national holiday and it felt right. Spontaneous, but right. This is not as significant as it may seem, but it merits being mentioned...

Quick thought: [scrubs] (version 2) premiered tonight. Thoughts? A resurrection? Did it satisfy? Did it rock? Did the encore measure up to the full set? In a word, "yes." Damn, Bill's good, scary good. Me? I see something and someone in...

So, here are 10 things that are on my mind right now...

1) Bring it on. Bring reserves. You'll need 'em.

2) I (now) know 5 people who go by the name, "Joy." In March of 2008, I met the second one. And over the last month, I've encountered 3 more... I find this interesting. You won't... But in that group, I now have a favorite.

3) I still need to scrawl about a field trip I took back in September. I'm waiting for the right time. And song...

4) Speaking of songs, I recently added this song to a playlist that I unknowingly built... "Now That You're Gone" It's funny what a drive in the rain is capable of...

5) I have to return two phone calls. They even left messages... Thanks. That was nice of you.

6) This band name is possibly the best band name I've heard in 6 years. "We Were Promised Jetpacks" They deserve a medal.

7) "It all started in a playground....................." Finish that story for me, please. I can't.

8) To me, "The Goonies House" is just as significant as Graceland. Prove me wrong.

9) I can't believe that it's really Christmas time again. And yes, I think it's okay to believe in Santa Claus. He never lets me down the way that other Dude does...

10) For the record, when entering the aircraft, I'll always give him a quick pat... As long as I live... We all need some good luck. A superstitious move, I know, but it's my thing. It took and I'm keeping the move. It's not very often that we get to do these kinds of things. This will make sense to one person I know.

So, that's it! Ten things on the first...

I'm sleepy. Let's connect later over a couple of peanut butter jellies and Tom & Jerry.

Sweet. bsm*

For John...

2009-11-24T21:05:00.000-08:00

Press "Play."

"Wise men say, only fools rush in......... But I can't help falling in love with you. Shall I stay? Would it be a sin if I can't help falling in love with you?"

Dear readers,

This week is a special week and we all know why... Thursday, we will celebrate Thanksgiving. Let's give "thanks" and count our blessings, shall we? Let's reflect on our lives and remember why the day exists for us to celebrate. Don't forget to eat big and remember to leave something for Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Watch a parade or two and watch a football game or two. Maybe sing a song that you haven't sung in ages... Give your loved ones a big hug and tell them that you're saving a spot for them at the kid's table.

In the spirit of the holiday, I want to say a few things...

I had to say "goodbye" to John Hughes on the 6th of August and it affected me on a very inspired level. If you knew of him, you know exactly where I am coming from... If you didn't, you lived in a box without windows. Or you just didn't care... And that's cool, too. Just do some research and call me in the morning.

Let me provide some background. By the way, I'm officially dedicating this post to John because he deserves some Benbrook love. Actually, he deserves so much more...

Let's take a look at what the man has produced, written and directed over the years. Not everything, but a strong sampling, if you will... You should note that these aren't Academy Award-worthy, but they won so many kinds of emotional awards in so many hearts around the globe. The genius (that was John) was behind these gems:

- Mr. Mom
- National Lampoon's Vacation and Christmas Vacation
- Sixteen Candles
- The Breakfast Club
- Weird Science
- Pretty in Pink
- Ferris Bueller's Day Off***
- Some Kind of Wonderful
- Planes, Trains & Automobiles
- She's Having a Baby
- The Great Outdoors
- Uncle Buck
- Home Alone 1, 2 & 3
- Career Opportunities
- Dutch
- Curly Sue

Do you have a favorite? I do. But it's a secret. As I typed that, I just realized that there could be a three-way tie working here... I'm a sucker for this kind of stuff, I know.

If you've seen any of these films, I'm betting you've been touched by something you've seen or heard in at least 6 of them... There is a limousine full of movie stars that will always be indebted to John. He made films that sent some important messages that just might hold up today. It was another time, another place, but the stories he told were special. Maybe you laughed, maybe your smirked, maybe you blushed, maybe you cried and maybe you fell into his vision and into his keen ability to identify with real people and their real problems, hopes and dreams. John told the kinds of stories that were never to far from the truth and that meant the world to me in my adolescence. Hell, it means the world to me now.

Take your pick and think back on the dialogue, important and silly. Remember the relevance. Live it again just because it's okay to remember these kinds of things... Embrace what John was trying to do... There are so many memories that can be extracted from his films. I honestly feel like I knew the man behind these movies. Like he was an old friend or a school teacher that re-enforced right from wrong. Like a mentor who appreciated that my heart was probably more reliable than my brain. Like a leader who had my back when she didn't return my call. Like a pen pal who understood that not all tears are bad. Like a wizard who knew how to open the doors to something pretty. I followed his path and, in a way, I'm still following his path. Kind of... In my own way. Limping along, I'm right behind you, John.

** smiling sadly **

I could go on and on about my admiration for John Hughes and if you catch me over the next week or so, I would love to tell you of my plans to teach the next "What would John Hughes do?" class at the local college.

Lastly, I'd like to leave you with this... I'm happy. I'm lucky. I'm thankful. In short, my life as I know it seems insignificant on so many levels, but in many ways, it's as relevant as the next big thing. So is yours... When you strap on your boots and walk your walk, everything is possible. You can turn anything into something and that something can mean everything to at least one person. Make it count. John did...

Am I really a broken record? Perhaps, but the needle may need some work, as well.

"Like a river flows, surely to the sea. Darling, so it goes... Some things are meant to be. Take my hand, take my whole life, too. For I can't help falling in love with you."

Thank you, John, for everything. I'm forever grateful for what you have given me.

Press "Stop."

- Me (Del Griffith)

*** The museum scene in this film (arguably) changed the way I viewed music supervision in a motion picture. The Dream Academy's "Please, Please, Please..." instrumental added something to FBDO that I will never fully be able to explain to the non-dreamers, but I have shared my appreciation with many... And you know exactly who you are... It's perfect.

"all for one economical price... 10."

2009-11-13T18:12:00.000-08:00

Ten months. Ten interesting months. Ten months where so much has been explored. Ten months with so many things that have been left out...

In short, over the last 10 months, seasons have changed, moods have swung, hearts have been challenged, minds have probably spun out of control, and I'm betting other cool things happened... This must be what they talk about when the leaves turn colors to be new again. I guess...

Ten months ago today, "On My Sleeve" began its trek through the year and opened up an avenue for me to... Well, you know what happened...

So, a short 10 months ago, I started something that I really have enjoyed... While personal, yet somewhat open, I hope that you have found something to think about... Something to laugh about... Something to talk about... Something to ignore... Something to possibly question something, anything, someone, anyone.
I trust that you know me now. If you knew me then, you know why something like this exists. It could not exist without you. In reality, it could, but you and I both know that it just wouldn't be the same.

So, together, tonight, let's celebrate the number "10." Let us raise our glasses. Here's to time together. To time with full moon glow on our minds (just go w/ it). Here's to water falling, washing slowly on our memories making room for new ones. To reaching for the brightest star (again, just go w/ it). Protecting each sparkle and kissing the time goodbye. Here's to growing up and growing young. Here's to us. We deserve something big... Let it shine for us tonight. Here, here! Clink, clink.

Sip with style.

Don't forget to think about horned frogs tomorrow. I still think about the one that ran away from me when I was ten.

So long for now. See you at the top...

- me

Play with what's left, will you?

2009-11-11T21:33:00.000-08:00

First things, first.

On this very important Veterans Day, I'd like to welcome first time readers.

I'd also like to say that I am continuing to be amazed by the rate at which time flies when you're just trying to live the best life you can... So much transpires on any given day... These things expedite life on many levels. It can be all-consuming taking you away from the big picture. Of course, many of us spend the entirety of our professional days trying to figure out what that BIG PICTURE looks like, but I trust that you get my point. And when we get a glimpse of what color the soul of the picture is, it all disappears leaving you wanting more... A leftover for tomorrow to get on with it and just live... Time is truly flying and we're approaching 2010 like a comet without a name.

I rarely read what I write, but I just read the passage above... I'm sorry, but it does make "some" sense to me. I'm allowed to be "that guy" from time to time. I assure you that every aspect of OMS means something, even if it's just for me. Thanks for scrolling my way, friend. You, too, my dearest friend.

Next up: This is the part where I will date myself and make myself seem older than I am... According to a manufacturer's sticker on a bicycle I recently spied, I learned these 4 things...

1) Always wear a helmet.
2) Check brakes before riding the bicycle.
3) Do not ride at night.
4) Read Owner's Manual.

Okay, here we go... I must treat this topic with gentle gloves. The reasons are obvious to anyone raising a family. Or to anyone who has dropped some coin on a bicycle for someone under the age of 18 over the last several years... Keep in mind that I am not talking about 10 or 12 speeds or any other incarnations of a bikes with speeds. I'm talking about a good old fashioned bike that is meant to speed up and down dirt trails.

Let's look at #1. I know, I know... Before you say it, I'll shout it.

(cut to me shouting at a group of Benbrook residents in front of the Fire Station on Mercedes with a red dry-erase marker in my right hand with a salty tall boy in my left hand)

"Where have you been? This is the law and we have to live by it because if we don't, we'll get into trouble and we might even be sent to Time Out by someone in a uniform. They said that we might pay a price, too, because they need more security personnel at the Arts Festival in May. Listen up, it's not about how well they ride, it's what they're wearing to protect themselves from getting hurt. That's what counts. Expect the crash, but soften the blow. It's a safety thing because common sense now has a price. Tighten up your chin straps and quit complaining, okay?"

Let me just say that I appreciate rules and I respect things that turn into laws... And, for our purposes tonight, everything from this point on is me reading these 4 rules as the 6 to 12 year old that I was when I was 6 to 12 years old, but with my modern day spin.

I will say this about #1... As a little dude, helmets were not a thing you pimped while you popped wheelies and jumped mounds with your buddies. If I showed up to the scene donning a protective helmet, I would have been exiled to the other side of 377 where Stum's used to be... (this will only make sense to the ones who lived in my neighborhood) Or I would have been asked, "Is everything okay, man? Are you in trouble?" It was our time and it was our place. Our stupid makeshift haircuts were meant to blow in the wind. The feeling still rocks, by the way. Harnessing your mullet in by styrofoam covered in plastic? Whatever. As a kid, if you had hard plastic on your head, you must have been hitting baseballs on a baseball field. That was the ONLY excuse that counted...

Here's a related, but unrelated secret... I'm 87% certain that if I were told I had to wear a helmet to ride my bike to the Qwik Sak up the street as an 8 year old, my confidence rate with Lesli Thompson would have shriveled up before I even hit the 5th grade. And asking Jessica Smith to hold my hand would have not even been on the table as I would have been less than who I was meant to be. I needed that confidence, y'know? It mattered then... I suppose it doesn't matter now, but I wasn't afraid of the fall and the scuffed up knees. As dudes, bruises were our tattoos. Some people might even say that a little crash and burn can make you feel more alive than ever... I'm getting off topic here...

About #2... Brakes? Huh? What brakes? Oh, you mean halting the pedals and steering to one side kicking up dirt all bad-ass-like? Those brakes? If you're referring to handle brakes (and I feel like you are), I have no idea what you're talking about because those came into play late in the game. If you had them, you had a Mongoose. I didn't... Check your brakes... Right. Roger that.

#3. You're kidding, right? Someone is playing a joke on me, right? I'm being punk'd, right?

Side note: Right now, I hate myself because I just referenced Ashton Kutcher in my beloved blog. I feel dirty. Not good.

Moving on... Riding my bike at night was like eating Neapolitan ice cream right out of the bucket in front of a good "I Love Lucy" episode. I didn't have many opportunities to ride at night, but when I did, I cherished each minute with so much of my spirit. Riding at night was a gift and while it was somewhat dangerous, it was thrilling to be out there under the stars where the car noises sounded so much softer. It was always understood that riding your bike at night was not to be a Best Practice, but to be told not to, would make me want to that much more... That's just the way I feel.

And finally, #4 and the Owner's Manual. Not much to say here because you know where I'm going with this... A manual of any kind for a toy of any kind was not a part of the deal in my neck of the woods. When a bike came onto the scene, like a dog in a pond, you just went for it... You thanked your parents and began the next stage. Don't ask questions, just go. If you needed training wheels, you needed training wheels. So what, who cares? You had a bike! In a matter of minutes, you learned what you could do and what couldn't be done on a bike. An owner's manual would just slow me down. I had asses to kick down the street. I had a bike and I was the captain.
I loved my first bike. A black Huffy with a blue and orange accents. A number plate with a "40" across the handle bars and a million spokes. And the softest banana seat ever... No shit. My second and last "kid" bike was a slight upgrade only because it had a yellow frame with a blue seat. The yellow mags killed and the blue tires turned heads. And as he grew older, every paint chip signified something big. I loved it as it was my best friend for a long, long, long, long time. It made me a champion in my own mind. And I will forever be grateful to my parents for giving those bicycles to me. They started something I'm still finishing... And that, to me, is special.

Hey, look at the time. Time to wrap it up...

I guess I'm behind the times with my rant, but I know what it was like when I was young. You remember in your own way, too. I can only speak for myself, but it was golden. I (sometimes) feel that if we altered that path, it would take something away from our sons, daughters, brothers, sisters. Don't you ever feel that way? That was then, I know, and times have changed. I suppose that our young ones will grow up the same way we did, but I'm not convinced that this is true. But it's not worth arguing because society has changed and the paths we are being asked to take are changing...

Suddenly, I hear a certain drumbeat calling my name. In the background, there it is...

And for all I know, I should have been wearing a helmet on my head when I made my inaugural jump down Devil's Drop in Timbercreek that summer. But I know, deep down, that I'm better off because when I strap on my helmet today, I think about how I had a choice then... Actually, it was freedom. That's it. Maybe that was the choice.

Be kind to the lawmakers. And always look both ways. Right on.

This post is dedicated to the boys who rode by my side. You know who you were... Thank you.

Goodnight.

bsm*

"Look, no hands!"

Thursday's post for him.

2009-11-05T17:14:00.000-08:00

So much to get to these days...

The leaves are really starting to fall. And on that note, I seem to think better in these kinds of conditions. Or, rather, I think that I think more clearly during the autumn months. Opinions vary, but I feel good about my place here. People whose first names start with a J, L, & M may have something to say about this "almost" fact. I just made that up. But I do feel confident in my posting abilities these days... We'll see.

Where did the week go? Five days removed from Halloween... I hope that you had a nice Halloween weekend. Did you happen to catch the moon over the last few days, Lucas? Did you go as "Grimace" again this year, Liam? Did you happen to spot the brightest planet, Lori? Did you enjoy the hayride, Lois? Did you make the big score at Old Man McGee's down the street, Lance? Did you save some of the good candy for a rainy day, Larry? Did your costume turn heads, Lana? Did you use that old broom, Lauren? Did "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" bring back the memory you hoped it would, Lester?

The previous questions were brought to you by the letter "L."

Hi, Charles. Good one.

Okay, gotta run. Many apologies for the brief post. Something might be burning...

bsm*

By the way, I love the word, "peninsula," but will always......

My plastic Frankenstein and his parachute. Her kitchen? Really? Seriously? For real?

2009-10-30T19:04:00.001-07:00

Ten thirty. The day before Halloween. It's that time where jack-o-lanterns rule the evening streets and haunted houses come alive to let you know that everyone needs a little "spooky" in their lives... If you live where I live, the weather is cooperating with us. It's perfect outside. As I type this note to you, I will say it again... It really is perfect outside.

Tricks, treats, pumpkins, witches and a killer broomstick, the moon (oh, my moon), good candy, shite candy, hay rides, spooky music, mangled tree limbs, caramel apples, laughing skeletons, scary movies, wicked costumes, silly masks, screeching owls, corn stalks, screaming cats, more candy, crows and ravens, cobwebs, grave markers bent by the wind, you get the picture, I hope. Oh, and more candy.

Three things to watch...

1) Find "Dark Night of the Scarecrow" and watch it with an open "made-for-TV" mind. Please. Do that for me. My VHS copy is wearing thin... It's probably not as good as I remember, but it is something that reminds me of Halloween in Benbrook, TX. I remember watching it in the living room with my parents and I remember being oddly fascinated with life after death. I also internalized this idea: One stem of one flower can mean everything to someone who believes in something more...

2) Search for "Fat Albert's Halloween Special." Chill out with Fat Albert, Russell, Bill, Dumb Donald, Weird Harold, Mushmouth, Rudy and Bucky. Watch this gem with a friend and sip on a soft drink. Don't laugh. This special is hard to find... It doesn't carry the weight of the more touching Christmas Special, but it's something different and it provides a different spin on Halloween. Well, maybe not, but it's worth a look. Remember: Soft drinks.

3) Relive your elementary school cafetorium (I feel like I've referenced that word here before) action with "The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad." First up, we get a fun take on "The Wind in the Willows," but for these purposes, I'll only reference the "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" part. However, give Mr. Toad your time. In 1949, Walt did it right and escorted the Washington Irving classic into my personal Animation Hall of Fame. Narrated by Bing Crosby, this short feature came to life and influenced my sense of imagination with bold hints of uncertainty and wonderment. My "what if" attitude towards just about everything was spawned at an early age and I'm forever grateful to Mr. Disney for making me a believer. The message is clear, people. Important Note: For maximum effect, this should only be viewed with the lights off.

So, tomorrow, as you enjoy your Halloween festivities, think about your earliest Halloween memories and don't forget to make a silly face in the mirror before you leave to show off your ridiculous costume. I chose "The Hamburglar."

Save one Junior Mint for me. And maybe a Twix. We'll share.

Lastly, don't forget to fall back.

- Ichabod

Any minute now, seventeen words.

2009-10-22T18:23:00.000-07:00

Just had to sign in and write this out for you... Repeat it to the next person you see.

"To fear love is to fear life; and those who fear life are already three parts dead."

A dude whose first name was "Bertrand" said this once upon a time ago. A long time ago, actually.

I'm feeling you, B. I truly feel you.

Besos!

- dude who dreams

Trains, townies and yellow brick roads.

2009-10-21T20:09:00.000-07:00

This weather... It's been raining as of late and the temperature outside has been right on target for a welcoming harvest season. In short, I dig it. This is my favorite time of year. There is so much to say about this season. And I'll get into that another time. Now, I have some things I need to tend to...

Like most of you, I've been carrying quite the load over recent weeks and months. Challenges, tests, problems that are problems, problems that aren't really problems (but mask themselves as such)... I've met them all head on and I'm working on finishing this year out with a certain bsm* bang or, at least, a bottle rocket-like pop that would make my sister proud.

These things take time.

My plan of attack was blueprinted out during the summer months and my ammunition came in various incarnations and disguises. (not exactly sure where I'm going w/ this) The weapons I chose were my stand-by tools of choice. My pencil, my hands, my sleeve. My battle armor, polished, but wearing the tarnish well. My secret weapons, my goggles, beautifully tattered from the last campaign. (this is starting to sound weird) My boots, my 10/92 Setters, lovingly at my side ready for the gravel road. (ok, this is silly) But I am serious about 99.7% of what was just typed out... And because of a few things I have encountered this year, I feel like there has to be some kind of preparation. (be ready) And because this is my favorite time of year, I have taken measures of ensuring that yours truly will end 2009 in good, if not proper, form. Like most things in my life, it all begins with a song. And, in this case, it began with a comet of a song. Get ready.

Soon.

Some observations and thoughts over the last several days, weeks, maybe months... My super-short list, if you will:

-- Any meal with shrimp in it is usually good.

-- When there is an opportunity for kids to watch the President of the United States on TV during school, take advantage of it. Make arrangements for the kids. Make it a learning exercise, good or bad. Who cares what the topic is about? It just might be about the importance of tree houses and how a simple tree house can solve most of our social and economic problems. Kids should be exposed to our Commander-In-Chief because it does hold hands with academics and recess and sour milk at lunch. Let them learn something new. Sacrifice textbook time for some tube time. Don't project your fears about your own political beliefs and agendas onto your kids. Protect them, we must, but don't steal the remote.

-- I have successfully purchased a stoic wolf pumpkin that I may name soon. He's that mean.

-- The band, KISS, is still relevant.

-- Believeme.Loveme.2009. // Last of the BMLM09 OMS short sleeve t-shirt designs. Available in Onesie (3-6 mo), XS, M (2 left), L & XXL. Faded yellow w/ grey print. Small OMS* logo on left sleeve. Onesie comes in powder blue w/ red print. Toddler 2 yr, S & XL's are no longer available. $14. Long sleeve 2010 version TBA. New designs are being drawn up as we speak.

-- I'm not sure how [scrubs] v.2 is going to work, but I'm not as concerned as I should be.

-- September 17th, 18th, 19th. Portland, OR. I referenced a field trip a few posts ago. This will be explored... Buckle up.

-- Ran a 5K recently where I raised some scratch for an important cause... Interesting and bold messages all around. "Jogging For Jugs." "Racing To Save 2nd Base." Solid. I appreciate the humor and I respect the sentiment. Seriously, it was a powerful event that stood for so much and for so many... I was truly touched by the whole experience. I ran for my Aunt Sally. She was 39. And she was a beautiful soul. She loved Sinatra...

-- Based on certain observations, I'm not sure anyone truly cares about Major League Baseball. I can name 3 people and there names are Paul and Paul and Jeff. This is just my opinion. Or a sign that I may need to expand my network.

-- Scarecrows should never wear a smile on their face... Ever.

-- U2 on 10/12. The 10th time. This should really get its own post on its own day, but it's on my mind now. I'll try to be brief. Because I have seen them so many times, I'd like to consider myself a vanguard kind of critic. They have given me so much over the years and I have stuck by them (even through the weird, ill advised Pop Mart phase). I owe it to them to be the best critic possible and I have been asking them for several years to let go of the idea of the idea of preparing 30 songs for each tour and giving us the usual 20 or 22. What I mean is that of those 30, at least 22 of them have been in the rotation for the last 12 to 15 years. I don't focus so much on the hammy metropolis shout outs, but I do dissect the set list... It has become somewhat predictable and safe, but they did tear through some of their stuff with a new resurgence and attitude. They clearly know what they're doing and they have mastered the art of playing it up for the crowds... I love certain aspects of every U2 show I have had the honor of seeing, but I'm not the typical listener or voyeur. I loved that they broke out "MLK" and "The Unforgettable Fire." I love the "Stand By Me" and "Amazing Grace" snippets and I always get goosebumps inside and out when I hear "Ultraviolet." And hearing it live for the first time since the early 90's was awesome. It's those kinds of throwback songs that make a set. Not hearing "Vertigo" or "Elevation" or "Mysterious Ways" for the 3,487th time. The new stuff sounded road worn and felt right in the mix. Overall, it was a solid set and I loved the show. I felt special just being there... The closer was odd, but it has been a staple closer for them all tour long, so it means something to them... There's no perfect closer for them anymore... Only a true U2 fan will understand that last sentence. They were all "on," however, and it was nice to see them smiling...

-- Listen to your instincts and pay attention.

-- For Halloween… The Hamburglar, Papa Smurf, Tin Man or Mr. Belding?

-- Never underestimate the power of a "thank you" note.

-- Reading from the newspaper is more enlightening than reading from the internet.

-- Seven words. "Waiting For My Real Life To Begin." Alone & intimate on 10/18. Standing ovation for Mr. Hay. I'm still clapping...

-- Did they finally lay Michael Jackson to rest? This is not an illegitimate question.

-- I recently asked someone if they could recommend a menu item for an upcoming pot luck event. This person told me that they only attend such events and participating is off the table. This response came from a person who LOVES to eat. I thought it was odd. I also thought it was lazy. (Important Note: Yes, I have willingly put myself in a place where the phrase 'pot luck' is common. 100% rowdy... I love it.)

-- Witnessing "Slideshow" on 10/14. Just perfect. A big "THANKS" to Fran & Andy...

-- One sip at a time. It's not a race. Enjoy it, will you? I'm talking to you.

Clearly, there's more to say... But I feel like I need to relax and enjoy this rainy weather. My trees are always so happy when it rains on them...

Tonight, let it be Rooster. That one's for me.

Goodnight. bsm*

One glance is all I ever needed........

2009-10-20T19:06:00.001-07:00

"Misha." 1991-2009. The sweetest one.....................

I'm singing her song tonight.

2009-10-19T21:38:00.000-07:00

Monday.

Begin.

Eight Mondays ago, I participated in something that I'll probably never get over... A lesson was learned... I said 'goodbye' in the most unusual way. It was the kind of moment that you would want back if you knew that the scenario would be different. Honestly, the memory has scarred my heart. I remember wanting one more peaceful look into her eyes... Her heartbeats were awkward and her bravery was confused. Her peace would come sooner than mine. The salt in the tears in my eyes burned my last glance. I wanted her to know it was me. I was the last to tell her it would be okay even though none of what was about to happen was going to be okay. I wanted to be the last one she saw...

We met in 1998. September. She wasn't sure about me. I was unsure about her. Finally, over time and over a Connells song in the wee hours of some random November morning, we accepted each other. Over the years, we bonded in so many different ways. It was a rewarding relationship as it was decided early on that I would end up loving her with so much of my heart. I never saw it coming, but it's likely she knew all along that I would, one day, be jelly in her presence. She was right. Ever have that feeling? I caved early, I suppose. That's just the way it is... She had that kind of effect on people.

It was 9:33am. In a matter of seconds, it was over. The sun was out. The shade in the back was just so. The grass was wet. The air was soft. Softer than usual. A cardinal, a male, stared my way chirping away. Perched on bird bath #2, he looked beautiful. I guessed, but knew, as much... The gloss in my eyes was heavy. I mean, c'mon... We were about to part ways with her. I was scared...

Her name? "Misha." We had no part in what she would be called, but it fit and we're grateful. It is believed that her name stands for "Gift from God." I'd thank him, but we're not on speaking terms. Mixed pride.

I'll never forget her... Her face. Her fuzzy paws. Her whiskers... Oh, the few she had left... She just wasn't the same towards the end. Life was slowly slipping away from her and she fought and she fought and she fought. In that fight, she taught me a lesson. She fought through the cancer like Rocky Balboa did with Apollo Creed. She didn't know how to give up. No surrender. No awareness of the inevitability of death. No fear. Never letting the pain show... Enduring it all. It was remarkable to witness. I'll say this... Misha lived with so much grace and even at the end, she passed with the dignity of a queen.

Early on, it was decided that this angel was born on St. Patrick's Day. 1991. Just because. And on the 24th of August, she gave us her last heartbeat... It was "goodbye, forever."

It was hard. Hell, it's still hard.

As responsible owners, we had to make the call. Our hands were tied. Up against a wall, you have to make choices. At times, you have to take yourself out of the equation. Bravely, we had to assess the situation for it was... Her eyes said so much... She needed rest and she needed her peace. She needed something more. She needed solutions that we simply couldn't give her. She loved us and trusted us. To make decisions on her behalf. To put her peace before our own. The trust that we loved her as unselfishly as she loved us. We came to this conclusion a few days before it all went down. The weekend was tough as we made (what we thought were) the right mental arrangements. It was a numbing weekend and it was confusing to know that it was all coming down to this... One decision for her, for us. From us. However, during those last days, we worked through the usual routine that she was on to keep her comfortable. As comfortable as we hoped she was... All the way up until the end. Knowing that everything we were doing would be the last time.........

There was not going to be another "today, we press on" day. We marched through each stage and we did our best. I did my best. I know I did my best. I know she did her best. We embraced each step along the way. The highs, the lows, the in-betweens... Everything. To the end.

What a year.

bsm*

My radio ballet...

2009-10-03T16:21:00.001-07:00

I just want to say... I wanted to say... I'd like to say...

Forget it. I'll try again later.

Don't count me out.

- bsm* (nervous for some reason)

Ten, one.

2009-10-01T20:42:00.001-07:00

Umm....

I'll try harder.

me.

Tomorrow, the 17th...

2009-09-16T20:48:00.000-07:00

It begins...

One journey to something stunning... Be happy. Look for me in the crowd. Be prepared. Look for the stars to line up. Be ready. Look for the sky to open it's chest up and look for the moon to weep with bravery. Be hopeful. Look for the sense of peace in the air. Be aware. Because it's "on."

It will all be explained somehow and I can't wait... I just need more time. Can you give that precious commodity to me? I never really ask for much...

Meet me there...

Counting seconds as I type. So... Meet me there. I mean it. Above the waves. bsm*

His anxious arms and a set of plans...

2009-09-14T18:29:00.000-07:00

Hello. Hi...

It's me. Again.

Haven't been around in recent weeks... I went dark in August. Left it behind, but I have my reasons. I'll admit that I haven't been very diligent with my posts as of late, but I've taken some time off to think it all up again. And that means something to me. I'll also admit that I have some unfinished business to tend to... I've missed it and I've missed the moments. So much has transpired in my little aquarium that I really don't know where to begin, but I have a few topics that I will dive into soon. Very soon.

The list goes on, but I will say that a dear friend of mine from my yesterdays will be discussed along with a mighty, yet precious memory that I've lived with for the last 11 years. I have some thoughts on education, Eureka Springs (yes, that place in Arkansas), music, chapels (I know, nuts), things that are meant to be music, but are really just digital pieces of manure, people who talk to their food, etc... Y'know, the usual... I may even throw in my plastic penny's worth of thought on what it means to be utterly disappointed in something/someone who doesn't really know what it means to finish the game.......

It's Monday. It has been raining in my fish tank for days. Solid. So very, very solid.

OK. This is ridiculous, but I had a craving for a Slurpee about a week ago. I didn't make that wish come true, but I did have this thought... Something I wondered as I stood in line waiting my turn... The things we think of when a yogurt parfait is on the line... Me. Just watching people... If it's OPEN 24 HOURS A DAY, why are there locks on the doors?

Two words: Field. Trip.

bsm*

Smile.

The blue and the jay.

2009-07-29T19:53:00.001-07:00

I have a few things that I am trying to say to you. Not sure how, but they will come out in waves... Just warning you. Or maybe just putting you on notice.

I heard a joke today. Something about a boot, a paper cup and a water hose filled with apricot preserves... Can't really get into it all as I was passing by, but somehow, I felt the urge to jot the following words down on a pastel pink post-it note: "Must leave town soon."

I'm kind of sleepy right now, but as I stated a couple of days ago, I'll get there...

- Corner kicker #1

"Summer's kiss is over, baby..."

2009-07-27T18:49:00.001-07:00

Just thought I'd throw that in... Y'know, for good measure. And as a simple reminder. Thanks, Greg. I'll hook up with that thought sometime when it dips below 67, alright? It's coming...

I'll get there...

- gallo negro

How does she do it?

2009-07-25T10:43:00.000-07:00

You there?

I'm asking...

I'm off to a wedding later today. A family engagement of sorts...

My checklist looks something like this... The suit I have in mind "should" be steamed and ready for action. Water bottle? Half full. Directions to the event? Check. Mapped it a few minutes ago... My goggles are nearby. Lenses were cleaned earlier this week. May need them for toasting purposes... My handkerchief will be pressed momentarily and I have a decision to make on which necktie I will go with... My skips may need a buff or two. We'll see, but it wouldn't hurt... No real worries there... The shirt. Not in any real mood for French cuffs today, but will see what's in store... Chewing gum. Two pieces. Just enough. One church key. Perfect. The iPod (her name is "November") is being juiced up downstairs... The playlist this afternoon will be a mashup between Phish, Ben Folds, Thin Lizzy, The National, New Order, Prince, Matthew Ryan, Pixies, Nick Drake and Cheap Trick. A thin shot glass on the counter (for good luck). Best before one leaves the house. Starter cash ($32 left over from the other night). Just in case. The invitation is on the counter. May need to take it if I need to prove that I made the cut. Need to make sure I have an extra Burt's Bees Beeswax lip balm in the middle console. Camera? Maybe... Rely on someone else. And there you have it... Done.

Gotta run. That's all for now. More news at 11...

Oh and please pencil me in for a cold glass of sweet tea sometime over the next week. I just know I'll be in the mood. Don't forget. K?

Smile big.

- rooster

"Sometimes even the right is wrong."

2009-07-22T05:40:00.000-07:00

On at 9:10pm with sparklers in their hands... Six in and "Glass Of Water" proved its might. At 9:43pm, "Fix You" stunned the crowd. "Postcards..." reminded everyone how lovely the piano can really be... A lonely "Trouble" so fresh out of retirement. Well done. Then a gentle "Green Eyes" from 10 feet away with an acoustic "Billie Jean" to bring the fans to a new level of appreciation... It poured butterflies for "Lovers In Japan." "Death And All Of His Friends" completely took over as it should... The first encore... "The Scientist." A proper version that serenaded the faithful at 10:49pm. And... Thanks, guys... The 5th time was the charm. I needed that charm and I needed that one song at 10:34pm.

"And give me love over.......... Love over..................... Love over this........................................."

My nickel on where I was last night. Good morning to you.

- fan for a day or two.

Earth, Sun, Moon. Where it starts, it ends.

2009-07-20T19:22:00.000-07:00

Here I am... A few weeks removed from OMS and back in play after a brief intermission. Feels good to be back. Have you missed me? Didn't think so, but a dude can dream... Yeah, I love you, too.

So, today marks a few things... My 50th post, the 40th anniversary of the moon landing and something else...

We made friends with the moon in 1969 and right now, all I can think about is how MTV benefited from the historic lunar photos in between Pat Benatar and REO Speedwagon videos in the early '80s. Go figure...

Now, I'm thinking about my golden entry and I'm thinking about the last time I reached out to you. I decided I would wear a tuxedo for the occasion. I've never typed anything with a bow tie fastened around my neck. Weird. The champagne flute next to my HP is still bubbling... Cool. The bowl of strawberries to my left is adorable. Nice. And the flowers in front of me are just fragrant enough that the... Riiiight. Whatever.

Let's begin. #50...

Have you ever received news that you wish could be taken back? I ask this because I believe in the "no takeback" concept and it's a time like this that I wish I didn't subscribe to that line of thinking... Don't live by a code if you can't live by that code, y'know? I stand by my words, but when something comes back at me in such a sobering way, I have to know that it will never be taken back. It's out there and once the reality of it settles in, we must embrace it and get on with it... Take the emotional clobbering and sleep with your eyes open. Find a way to pretend to look the other way. Lie if you have to... Y'know... To keep the buzzing bees away. Protect the integrity of it all and guard it with both fists up...

Why couldn't they just take it back? I know that it wouldn't change anything, but the sobering aspect of it all can (sometimes) be hard to handle.

God, you there? You didn't listen, man... I'm sure that the excuse is that someone needed you more, but dude, I don't ask for much... As a matter of fact, I don't ask for anything other than a decent seat at the rock show. And maybe good vibes and a little protection for the ones in the "loved ones" category. And when you come through with a killer moonscape, I'm yours. But c'mon, man... Really? There are two kinds of beings out there... The ones who make excuses and the ones who don't... I'm not pointing fingers, but if I could see you right now, I'd try to sweep your leg like Johnny did to Daniel in 1984. Yeah... It's like that.

Fix it. Please?

Looking in the mirror...

Me: "I mean, I'm no angel and I've had my share of misfires... And before you bring up the "karma" thing, I want you to know that I've thought about that, too... You've already made me pay for 7/82, 3/90 (I'm so sorry, GJ), 8/93, 4/94, 6/94, 2/95 (big time), 7/95, 8/03, and every other time I made decisions that would (ultimately) teach me a lesson or two."
God: "True, you did learn a few lessons and you have been a good student. Plus, you're from Benbrook, TX. And you've spread my word in one way or another over the years. In your own way, of course. I would, however, like to see you on Sundays a little more often."
M: "For better or for worse, it was my heart that did the talking then and to this day, my heart still speaks on my behalf. What are you going to do about it? I've paid, alright... I've paid over and over again. Do you need more from me or something? I'm working with a bent heart and it's fragile at the moment."
G: "Listen. You're still in the red for the 2/95 nonsense and I just can't think of a good reason to let you off of the hook for the 3/90 episode. Of course, I have to take into account your age at the time for that one. Overall, you're good people and you do seem to wear your heart on your sleeve, which is commendable, but..."
M: "But what? I feel like I am one of the lucky ones and I am grateful for everything you've given me and my crew. I am who I am, y'know? You didn't answer my question, dude. Do you need more from me?"
G: "I know you're upset, but shit happens and I'm not always responsible... You can blame me, but it will not change anything. You must accept what fate is giving you.
M: "Did you just say, 'shit?'"
G: "Yes, I did. Build a bridge and get over it, bsm*."
M: "Noted. I suppose you're right, but I still want to drop you like a cheap book. Just because. It will take some time, but I still believe that you are responsible in some way. I have to blame someone and you're the only one in the room... And for the record, in March of 1990, I had to do it... Two months later, it changed everything for me. It was a safe bet, okay? For me, man. For me."
G: "Okay, geez! Still a little selfish, but I understand. Who isn't a little selfish every now and again? I get it. What are you going to do now?"
M: "As always, I'll press on. I'll weather the storm and I'll keep looking up. You?"
G: "I'm scheduled to attend the solar eclipse on Wednesday. I find it fascinating how the moon cruises between the Earth and the sun, completely obscuring the light. And on Friday, I am probably going to see the new Katherine Heigl movie where she hangs out with that lad from 300. Beyond that, I'm just trying to score some McCartney tickets just like every other bloke on the planet. As it is, I had to call in a favor to secure some U2 tickets for their tour opener in Spain."
M: "I heard that they are playing 'Ultraviolet' and 'The Unforgettable Fire' on this leg."
G: "It was divine. Literally."
M: "That's righteous, but don't change the subject, G. I asked you a question earlier. What else do you need from me? Because what I need is a little understanding... And a little love. Can you handle that, Chief?"
G: "Yes. I think I can handle that... I know what you mean about the love and understanding... I happen to need those things, too... I can't believe you just 'chief'd' me. I'll let it slide this one time. Only because you're from Benbrook, okay?"
M: "Right on. Just know that we haven't settled up just yet."
G: "Noted."

Turning away from the mirror...

I'm waking up now. My heart is tired. Just mend already... It's tough to watch and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I just can't seem to get my arms around it, but I know I'm close to it.

Today's almost over. It's been a commemoration of sorts... He would have been 15 today. She's 18 now. And her eyes still tell me something every single time. Damn. This is hard. Blow by blow... It's the trial we are all a part of... I'm thinking of them in so many different ways... It just can't be... Not now. I should probably stop. I've said what I needed to say... I think.

It rained this morning. I suppose that's a start. And the song that's running through my ears is making me smile.

I have to go now, but check this... Keep the loved ones close and make sure they know, okay? To remember them is to celebrate them. Forever.

There is hope for us...

Love,

bsm*

We were five feet from the curb.

2009-06-26T15:40:00.000-07:00

It's Friday and another weekend is upon us... It's warm outside. Be careful out there...

Have fun. Don't forget the sunscreen. And don't forget to smile for the camera...

Song of the day: "No More May" by Owl

Song for the weekend: "Please Let That Be You" by The Rentals

Songs for the parts in between: "Amie" by Damien Rice & "Powder Blue" by Elbow & "So Long" by Face to Face

3............

- gallo (bsm*)

"Ben, the two of..."

2009-06-25T20:37:00.000-07:00

Today, the world lost a couple of celebrities.... We knew Farrah and we knew Michael. One better than the other, but maybe not... We knew what we saw, what we read, what we heard...

We were somewhat prepared to say 'goodbye' to Farrah as her road has been a rough one. Red was your color. With Mr. Jackson, it was sudden and without fair warning. This guy, Michael, was an icon on many levels. Farrah was an American icon of sorts, but Mike was an icon that affected the globe, it seemed...

His song about Ben will always be my favorite...

My memory... In 4th grade, I (along with my friends B & H) stood up in front of our homeroom class and sang "Billie Jean." Someone brought the "Thriller" LP in and like most classrooms (I hope) in America, we had a record player on cue for spontaneous musical moments. For some reason, we thought we would be "those 3 kids" who would use our free time to show off our ridiculous singing voices to our classmates. We even snapped our fingers to the beat... All we needed was a street corner. We sang our hearts out for the class. I remember the temperature in my skin was boiling because it was really happening... A pop show in a classroom. In a way, it was awesome, but considering the PG-13 lyrical content, I'm wondering why we were able to get away with such nonsense. Of course, this was Michael Jackson we were talking about... The world was enamored by his charm. He was THAT big... It didn't matter... Billie Jean could have been about stealing milk for the janitor or killing butterflies and it would have been appropriate for that setting. Any setting... Why did Ms. Markos let us do this? To watch us wilt under the pressure of imitating Mr. Jackson? To watch us shine? To prepare us for something bigger than the 3 of us combined? Was she THAT cool or was she THAT crazy?

Wait a minute. Killing butterflies? Sorry about that... It just came to mind. Just making a point...

MJ was huge at one point and in many circles, he is still on top. This thing is just getting started... The King of Pop is gone. He's there with the King of Rock and Roll now.

Wow... I just don't know what to say...

I wonder how John and George will greet him... R.I.P.

All of a sudden, I feel a little older.

Protect the record player, people.

Out.

bsm*

I'm moved, by the way.

2009-06-21T19:50:00.001-07:00

Y'know, the most random things come to mind when I'm sitting in traffic... Here's something...

"We were in a race with the stars above through the understanding of the guide who brought us here just to leave us... Only to solve the riddle that faith left us in the sky. It's there for the taking and it will belong to us for eternity. He looks down. She looks up. As she sorts through the wisdom that runs through her, everything known becomes unknown. With one blink of the eye. And it's there where they are welcomed to something new... The stars are watching us."

Had to toss that into the ring... Something compelled me to...

Summer. It's hot.

I'm thinking about all of the times I followed my dad with my aluminum lawnmower. It made this rowdy rattling noise... I cherished that thing. It even grew rust just like the family mower... I remember following his pattern. The weight and speed of my fake mower would hit the clippings just right making it appear that I, too, was cutting the St. Augustine that we worked so hard to grow. It made me so happy. I was 5 years old and I'll never forget following those paths on Duane Street.

I hope you took care of your dad today... It's his day.

I love you, Dad. Goodnight.

Your son, always... bsm*

flitter, flutter...

2009-06-17T20:03:00.001-07:00

Today, I learned that a hummingbird weighs less than a penny.

I love the fact that these kinds of nuggets can sometimes be hidden underneath a bottle cap. Thanks Snapple. Your "Real Fact" #17 made my day. Truly.

bsm*

Me: I need it like the ocean needs the waves.

2009-06-16T19:46:00.000-07:00

Just thinking... Each day needs a chance. A chance to prove something... A chance to begin again. A chance to make wrong things right. A chance for something new. A chance to turn a page. One chance to make a difference. A chance to change the odds. Its chance to wake up... Each day deserves that chance. One chance. That's all... Just thinking... - Me

Oh... This post is brought to you by the believers I met today.

"dime stores in the brittle air..." - MR

2009-06-13T21:08:00.001-07:00

Cheers.

This is a short piece on where I was exactly one year ago today. Written after a few... Wrote it to keep the memory alive somehow. Something kept it around for the occasion. Just keep it breathing for me. Thanks.

Many thanks.
________

Matthew Ryan Vs. The Silver State (MRVSS)
Cambridge Room inside the House of Blues, Dallas, TX
Friday, June 13th, 2008

A warm night in Texas... All of this happened as I recall and remember it all...

A handful of people were milling around the dark, yet sleek shed inside this monster house of supposed blues with doors to a handful of stages large and small. Then this anonymous gent carried himself to the stage. This was Jon Dee Graham. He opened and played a lonesome, yet blistering set. He was late to the gig, so he borrowed Matthew's guitar... And with pick in hand and a chilled Tecate in the other, he went to work. Midway through his acoustic set, he asked the multi-talented Molly Thomas onstage to play the fiddle on a couple of acoustic jams... They looked great together as he really appreciated her presence. She added just the right touch to his brawny style. Jon even brought out Matthew Ryan's drummer to help him out with a song. Jon was full of stories and even played a couple of songs with the Super Villains (aka MRVSS). He brought this motley crew out to help him with a song his 8 year old son created... Turned into a full-blown crowd-sing-along... It was so respectful that the Villains didn't steal his thunder. What an opener... Not expecting much from him, but his brief, heroic set showed me exactly why there is a documentary made of his life. His story about his song in the movie, "Ladder 49," brought the house down. Loved how he laughed all the way through his slotted time. This set the stage for MRVSS.

When MRVSS walked onto the stage, his curious band rolled out with a subtle confidence that echoed through the small, yet intimate venue. One would not know that this was the second show of an ultra-short run. My wife and I were up front and center along with some faithful followers who were clearly there to show our respect and appreciation for great music by a talented and hopeful artist. When I saw Matthew Ryan in Boston, MA last year, he played to a crowd of 21... Just him and his guitar and a harmonica. It was a special night and it set up my expectations for a full band assault. Because his latest release is a stellar body of work that packs a potent punch, I was intrigued with how it would correspond to the live stage... I wondered how it would all connect... We were not disappointed and the band delivered and went above and beyond to make sure that we, the listeners, had the kind of experience worth writing about... As I type this, I cannot recall the names of the players, except for Molly who was introduced as such... So I will just label them by the instruments they played on this great night. The guitar/bass duo looked like brothers as they laid it all down and brought a certain sonic appeal to each tune. The drummer attacked his drums as if he were mad at them because they had called him names, but treated them with a sweet sincerity when certain songs called for it. Very, very tight on the trap set. I loved the snap of the snare... Molly was all over the keys and strings... She would use her voice to accent Matthew's and would sprinkle cool little musical vignettes into each number as if she had been playing these songs all of her life. It was apparent from the beginning that this band was having fun and it showed through each song. Their appreciation for the moment was obvious as they were a tight, crisp group looking for an audience who cared... Matthew held them all together and was noticeably proud to have them by his side for this tour.

'Could've Been Worse' started the night out with its ominous beginning and we were off... Early in the show, Matthew asked the barkeep to turn off the TVs that lined the back of the room. They were bright and he said this... "Hey, I don't want to come across wrong, but is there any way you can turn the TVs off back there? There's enough entertainment in the room, tonight. Thanks." This singular moment is something that I can appreciate... Like buying my first copy of "The Bends" by Radiohead. It was the right thing to do in 1995. And on this night in 2008, he was right. Who needs additional distractions? Thankfully, the barkeep obliged and Matthew went into a dedication story of how 'Dulce Et Decorum Est' was written for his mom. Then he laughed and said that it was written about her... and did not want to confuse anyone...

Every song was true to form, but some left room for some subtle improvisational wordplay, which was nice as Matthew enjoys referencing his heroes and for the faithful ones, these types of things are a welcome gift. He went deep into his catalog early and broke 'Guilty' out... Solid and swift, it complimented the new songs well... I hoped that he would dig into his previous lives and we were not disappointed... The newer takes on his older stuff sounded so fresh and it was nice to see that he had not given up on where he came from... The crowd was ecstatic as we shouted out requests from each album. Matthew was appreciative of our efforts to influence the set list. I said (3 feet away), "Play your favorite Clash song!" His reply, "Hey, that's not a bad idea, that could be cool." But this was his night and he was going to do it his way. He would thank us later (in his own way) for our requests. 'They Were Wrong' was up next and was gorgeous. I remember it as an acoustic highlight from my journey to Boston last year. I was thrilled that it saw the light of day on his latest effort. And after a beautifully paced 'And Never Look Back,' he said, "This next one is my favorite song of the last 10 years." MRVSS then tore into a raucous 'Johnny Appleseed,' by the late, great Joe Strummer. This was a proper homage to someone that Matthew admires and holds a great deal of respect for and it was a true rocker from start to finish. Joe would have been proud had he heard what Matthew did with it... I'm sure of it...

For 'Closing In,' Matthew left his guitar on stage and walked into the audience to sing the album closer... He walked through us and we gave him his space and watched the guy say his piece. It was a special touch to an already special night and we were not even close to being through with it all... As the night heated up, each song from then on took on a sweet swagger that left us wanting more... Matthew's confidence was building and the band was clicking on all cylinders. We really couldn't ask for more... MRVSS even squeezed in a 'Happy Birthday' to an adoring fan who was just excited to be alive. Then they blazed, relentlessly, through some oldies and wrapped it up with 'Misundercould.' This was the last hurrah for the band as they rolled off... We were left wondering what was next...

Matthew then grabbed his acoustic and hopped down from the stage and started taking proper requests. From the second song of the night, a guy to my left repeatedly asked him to play '3rd Of October.' This guy would be rewarded for his patience when Matthew serenaded him and his wife who were celebrating their anniversary. We all watched him work and when he was finished, he started walking around and asked for more requests... Then, 'Me & My Lover' took us by surprise (also serenaded to another group of people) and melted into my request for 'Skylight.' While 10 different songs were requested during this brief acoustic-troubadour-like moment, the minute I said 'Skylight,' I was met with a "There you go, that's the one!" So there he stood on the floor in front of us all and sang it like it was the last time he would ever sing this song. It was amazing...

We knew that we were on borrowed time and this acoustic set was a real treat for us... Would it end and if it did, what would he go out with? Matthew jumped back on stage and looked at us all one last time and started the first strums of 'Return To Me.' Enough said... As he concluded this quietly majestic masterwork, he snuck this cluster of words in, just like he did in Boston last year... "The world is held together by the wind that blows through your hair." Powerful, I think. And very appropriate for personal reasons... This is all true. Then, he thanked us again and shuffled off to the dark corner of the stage. It was over.

The fact that he stuck around and visited with everyone after the show was just a nice touch. That was best encore of all...

Thank you, MRVSS. We would be happy to play host again if you'll have us...

The set...

01. Could've Been Worse
02. Sweetie
03. American Dirt
04. Dulce Et Decorum Est
05. Babybird
06. Guilty
07. Jane, I Still Feel The Same
08. Meet Me By The River
09. They Were Wrong
10. And Never Look Back
11. Johnny Appleseed
12. Closing In *
13. I Must Love Leaving
14. Irrelevant
15. Misundercould
16. 3rd Of October **
17. Me & My Lover **
18. Skylight **
19. Return To Me ***

* Matthew sans guitar, mic only, in crowd facing the band
** solo w/ acoustic guitar serenading crowd
*** solo w/ acoustic guitar on stage
________

- bsm*, fan of all things real

No, really...

2009-06-11T20:38:00.000-07:00

I have a question.

What is a "Jon & Kate Plus 8?"

I suppose I live under a rock, but good grief... These made-for-tv-faux-celebrities are everywhere. Like mosquitoes in July. Here I am... trying to score a watermelon and some grapes and I see 5 magazines-turned-gossip rags spilling their guts all over my shopping experience.

When it was my turn, I asked the cashier if he watched the show... He said "no," but said his older sister did because she liked the Posh Spice character........

Enough said.

- Clueless shopper

Follow the leader.

2009-06-10T19:29:00.000-07:00

Something about this bridge... Something about that April

afternoon a couple of years ago... It just made sense to go.

To get up, to leave and go. I followed it. I'll say this much...

The butterflies never left me. They don't know how to leave.

Once you have them, they're yours... They tattoo your insides

with a certain kind of ink. They are a part of who you are...

Your tummy will forever be grateful. And that, to me, is

beautiful. To the non-believers? Look inside. Let go. What

are you afraid of? It's just a bridge. - #19, Holding Midfield

Press "Play" and look away...

2009-06-08T18:20:00.000-07:00

Playlist for today (for the book club or something):

a) matt pond pa "halloween"
b) jason lytle "brand new sun"
c) haven "say something"
d) the verve "blue"
e) strays don't sleep "cars and history"
f) cassettes won't listen "freeze and explode"
g) peter murphy "hit song"
h) the church "the unguarded moment"
i) lakes "photographs"
j) liam finn "second chance"
k) unbunny "nothing comes to rest"
l) lewis "the path that strays"
m) the police "so lonely"
n) sonic youth "superstar"
o) ned's atomic dustbin "twenty three hour toothache"

In no particular order... Just some songs to sort through as you're sorting through your cabinets for that perfect seasoning blend...

Letter "h" was my favorite today for some reason. Later.

Part VII

2009-06-04T21:11:00.000-07:00

I threw something out there on the 9th of March... That was #4. This is the seventh part.

He never really knew what to say when she walked through the door, but he felt like saying everything, both right and wrong, from the bottom of his heart. When she said, "hi," it was always met with simple applause from the others in the room, but it spoke volumes about her as a person, given her past and possible future. She was coming out of her shell, scratching at the walls she had built around herself. She found herself in a circle of friends and felt safe and in control. She shifted with a certain delicate sway and questioned even the little things with her "I challenge everything, so what" eyes. Protected from it all, reluctant to shred the singular emotional agreement that was cast in stone so many seasons ago. Giving pieces of herself away had a price and lending an ounce to anyone meant giving away a ton of something that had little in reserve... It was a fear of the known and a genuine calling to something more... The crooked smiles and the sudden stares... They all spoke up, but when noticed, they crawled away for fear of being remembered... Her tentative nature lead some to believe that she may not have always cared, but to the trained soul, it wasn't that she didn't care, but it was that she cared enough to be tentative... Her choices to engage? Always calculated. When he sees her, he sees someone he always thought of and may have possibly met... In a dream, perhaps, or maybe in 4th grade. When he hears her laugh and when he listens to her talk, he thinks about the feelings he calls home. When she shares and, to an extent, explores, he remembers what it's like to believe in something pure and unconditional. And when she stands alone quietly in the shaded room, he recalls times spent with a friend in a backyard on the second floor of his fort reading under the flashlight, counting random satellites orbiting above... One, two, nine. Also alone, quiet and near dark light. It conjures up the understanding of who he is as a person and what it's like to be near and inside certain moments. When together, even in silence, the calming nature of her spirit makes one elicit thoughts only a blooming flower would understand. On any given day, one could only hope to see what he sees... And when it becomes clear that there is more behind her eyes and even more behind her mind... It's there... The foundation and the colors for the painting that could only be on display inside the walls of the most personal of hearts. Does she knows this? Will she know this? Will it matter? Does it matter that he may never tell her that when she has the time, there will always be a place in his story for her? Can she see what he sees? Will she keep it nearby and if so, where? Will she put it away with reservations for a rainy day? Tucked away under her skin? Her protective canopy shimmers, it seems, and she guards it with everything giving bits and pieces to imagine... With hopes of seeing more... To be cherished like a first kiss on Friday night. Her thoughts, channeling everything forgotten and everything asked... With everything in mind... He leaves room for her. So many things come to mind as he looks at the cards on the table. One card stands out as bright as a full moon on Christmas Eve. Her name is Piper. To see her like he does... Is she here? Was she there? His thoughts are clear. Made with conviction. For her. For him. Where is she? Is she coming back?

bsm*

I need a mason jar.

2009-06-03T19:23:00.000-07:00

Of note: I just spotted my first firefly of the year. A little early, but it was exactly what I needed...

I'm ready whenever you are...

Have a good night and a better tomorrow. bsm*

A lonely, single thank you.

2009-06-02T05:47:00.001-07:00

That's it?

Really?

Here's the deal. My money's on the scientist.

"Sierra Nevada Pale Ale is a completely natural ale. There are no additives, only the finest malted barley, whole hops, brewer's yeast, and crystal-clear water. The fine layer of yeast in each bottle is a result of the traditional bottle-conditioning process that produces carbonation naturally." - Lifted right from the bottle and why not?

I must say that there is something entirely killer about those three sentences.

About that 'thank you.' If found, drop in any mailbox. Postage guaranteed.

Any takers?

2009-06-01T20:16:00.000-07:00

Okay.

One cup of heavy whipping cream + a half a cup of confectioner's sugar = whipped cream. Once you see the peaks, but before you see something resembling butter, fold in some lemon curd and see what happens...

Pamper it.

I want to say that Kelly Kapowski shared this with me. Or was it the dude working the counter at The T-Shirt Shack? Can't quite remember.

- bsm* on the 1st

lantern + broken ladder

2009-05-29T05:42:00.000-07:00

Every now and then, I feel like ... Well, if I lived in a tree house, life would be a little more adventurous. A little more stripped down. Perhaps more basic. With that, I bet life would be slightly more defined in its intent to be...

I've seen houses that are called "tree houses" which are actually half-a-million dollar palaces with DirecTV dishes that are bigger than a 1987 Yugo that are built between mammoth trees in the backyards of gazillionaires in remote parts of the nation... I've even seen television programs on the ins and outs of building said houses...

Me? I'm thinking of something a little different. Something with a little bit of something special that has been built without the aid of an architect, but designed more with heart. More from the inside and less from the outside. Does that make sense?

To keep me company, I would enlist my favorite.........

- dreamer (bsm*)

Thinking sweet things, always...

2009-05-28T20:11:00.000-07:00

Do you remember what you did on Monday? Thought I'd ask. What about last Friday?

Have you ever sold anything out of the trunk of your automobile? I have...

Not sure if you heard, but the music community lost a great contributor on the 24th... Jay Bennett, who was a key component to the early Wilco vibes, passed away. His contributions before and after Wilco were solid and some of my favorite Wilco tunes were driven by him... His arrangements always came alive and his legacy will always be rich in my eyes. truly. Jay, despite the drama, I thought you rocked... May you rest your heavy heart, man.

Do yourself a favor and listen to Wilco's "My Darling" today, tonight, soon. It's only right.

Later on, bsm*

I want a Pink Thing.

2009-05-21T19:37:00.000-07:00

More flags, more fun. Six Flags.

!!! Huh ???

How in the world does it go? Can someone please turn his voice off?

And how exactly will a dancing bald guy in a tuxedo prompt me to want to drop everything and go? Why is he pushing summer passes through EVERY media vehicle known to man? Why does he exist? To attract new visitors or to scare them away? This is best that they can do? "He" is the best gimmick that they could come up with? Why not choose "Gizmo," the little mogwai? Or Cate Blanchett? Or H.R. Pufnstuf? Or Ace Frehley? Or Aslan of Narnia? Or Adrian Zmed? Or Tina Yothers? Or Sigmund and The Sea Monsters? Or Elvis Costello? Or "Ming" from the ridiculous 1980 Flash Gordon movie?

I'll be honest. The bald dude bothers me and he bothers me in a way that I don't ever want to set foot in the park again... Granted, the last time I was there (in 2001), he didn't exist, so I am happy that my last trip was not tainted by this weirdo, who is probably wanted in 30 counties.

Just thinking about the fall from grace that Six Flags has endured over the years is making want to.......... It's just not the same... What happened to this once beloved park? Like all things, everything goes through a change and rides are re-tooled and re-named... Some go away. Some stay too long. Some get better with age. Some don't... And the........... Y'know what, I'm going to stop right here...

They're probably not even called Pink Things anymore.

1, 2, 3,

2009-05-20T19:20:00.000-07:00

4, 5, 6, seven, 8, 9, 10.

What a week this has shaped up to be... I found a business card that I haven't seen since 2003 and I met 12 people that have a certain degree of dignity to them... I even shook hands with a dude that I haven't seen since 2001. Also, connecting with a cousin that I haven't seen in 6+ years was entirely rewarding... I can't wait to finally break bread with him... I'm betting that the first topic of discussion will be around the fate of his lucky left shoe that was abandoned once upon a time ago. We might even talk about how we both lost because the scratch was on the one with the wooden leg.

It's Wednesday. Yesterday was the 19th... One month later... I miss him. It doesn't feel any better...

If you had a slice of pie or a slice of chocolate cake yesterday... Or even some creamy ice cream, I hope that it was delicious and I hope that it provided the perfect compliment to your day or night. He had a sweet tooth, but only in small, supervised portions...

I'm thinking about "CW" and how one cotton lid changed everything...

As I said, what a week... Life will throw you a few surprises from time to time. It's what you do with them that will surprise people. Not sure if that adds up, but I feel like it should to someone.

Onenumberatatime, onedayatatime, oneweekatatime, oneyearatatime.

"What's the frequency, Kenneth?"

Who's Kenneth?

Bye.

Please smile. Pretty please?

bsm*

Today.

2009-05-17T09:19:00.000-07:00

May, the 17th... Last quarter.

I would like to say that I am extremely pleased that my father is back in his home, on his chair, and next to his newspaper. Well done, Dad.

Today. This makes me happy. I'm happy...

Oh and before I forget, I'd like to thank the staff at the Benbrook Public Library. Thank you, ladies, for giving me an hour.

Don't forget to look up...

bsm*

"You can break what you have, but the rest of it's mine." - MB, Two thousand & five.

2009-05-13T14:34:00.000-07:00

Here we are... Four months ago today, I started On My Sleeve and 30 posts later, here I sit at #31.

In the "About Me" box to your right, I stated that I would share some insight (at some point) as to who I am... Not that you would necessarily care, but it is a promise I made myself and today is the day I am making that promise come true. For me.

I guess this is the part where some people say things like: "I love animals. I like playing sports and I love reading cookbooks. I like taking pictures with my friends. I'm a proud owner of 4 different kinds of shovels... I'm in love with Brad Pitt. I only listen to faith-based music. I love poker night. Gardening at night relaxes me. Hiking, fishing, and roller skating are just a few of my hobbies. I have 2 grappling hooks. I secretly read trashy novels that are never made into movies. I love scuba diving off the coast of Florida. I hate Monday mornings... I collect butterfly stickers. I love researching salt water aquarium filtration systems. I love swimming in the lake with my dogs. Blah, blah, blah, Blah, Blah, blah, blah, blah, Blah................"

Now then... From me. To you.

CAUTION: The upcoming words and passages may shed very little light, but they just might open up a window... or three. Who knows? Please keep in mind that I'm still very green to all of this, but as the label read on the bottle last night, I will say this... This blog (or chalkboard) is 'brewed with passion for quality.' I'm still not certain how that applies, but last night it made sense. What I'm trying to say is... I have a certain passion for certain things and On My Sleeve is no exception. It's hardly perfect and I really don't know what I would compare it to... What I do know is that the previous 30 posts are here for a reason. Few and far between, I know, but I assure you that I'm trying to make some sense of something... Of it all. Whatever "it" is... In my own way. So... Thank you for reading and thank you for caring enough to visit my little corner of the classroom. It means so much...

I'm ready.

The picture above? A shipwreck sitting on the smallest of the Aran Islands chilling out in the mouth of Galway Bay on the west coast of Ireland... Inisheer. I took this picture around 10 in the morning in the month of September in 2007. I was drawn to it...

Why "on my sleeve" and why does it matter? I suppose the title doesn't matter, but when I put this thing together, it was the only title that complimented the thoughts swirling around in my tummy. Ask me what you should wear to the wedding and I will respond with... "Whatever you wear, wear it on your sleeve." Let it show, y'know? Hide in plain sight and wear it proud. Let your myth shine and let the world see you for who you are and what you represent... Your ghost, past and present. It's kind of like letting the soul live on the outside for a few... At least until the end of the show.

Benbrook? It's the place I'll always call home. It's where the fireflies always flickered the brightest... Benbrook is that single mason jar I grew up in and I'll always be grateful for the memories that were created there... To me, it's a symbol. Visit Robot Park. Watch Disney cartoons in the Benbrook Elementary Cafetorium (part cafeteria/part auditorium - you probably put that one together). Carnival Day celebrating the harvest with fire engines and hay rides and cake walks... And this is just the beginning... There is so much more to talk about here and if you can tell, I'm a bit nostalgic when it comes to Benbrook and my childhood. Speaking of nostalgia, my first post on 1/13 should explain it all...

Me? I suppose I'm just like everyone else out there and I'm probably just like you in many ways. However, I do consider myself a charter member in the fraternity of dreamers who looks at the stars as periods to the ends of promising thought. Do you feel that way? There's always room.

I'm the one who tries to see beauty in everything. I try to remember most moments as important messages on an answering machine. I'm the one who believes that life is a gift. I'm the one who appreciates the little things in life. I love watching the birds work. I like watching the rain fall. I like feeling it even more... I try to not overthink the puzzle. If I think about it too much, I could miss the point. I'm the one who feels lucky. Lucky that my heart knows more than my brain. I'm the one who believes that certain pieces of music can affect the soul like a sermon affects the mind. I'm the one who ask questions when questions are frowned upon. I'm the one who fully acknowledges that I should have been a better student. I try to work in two speeds. Stop & Go. Nothing in between.

Twelve-something years ago, I began a trade that turned into a craft that turned into an art form. At least, I treat that part of my life that way... It makes going to work for 40+ hours a week seem important. And it is important if you have high expectations. Press on. Please.

All of sudden I feel important. Right now. Go figure.

I'm the one who feels that a movie's score is just as important as the dialogue. Maybe even more important, actually. I'm the one who always wants to enter a scarecrow making contest. And I'm the one who never underestimates the power of the peanut butter & jelly sandwich. Or, for that matter, the power of the peep-toe pump. For me, a good, ugly pair of flip flops will do the trick.

I try to consider everyone as everyone gets a first chance at something... I'm a believer. From an early age, I have always tried to identify myself, not by the things I have, but by the things I believe in...

Check this... I've never represented myself as anyone without flaws. Of course, I have them and I live through them... We're all guilty of having some baker's dozen worth of flaws, I'm betting... No single person is perfect, but I'm the one who feels that there can be perfect moments. I'm also the one who believes that those perfect moments can be shared, but that most of the perfection happens when we're alone.

I have a steady relationship with the moon and I feel like I am a better person for it...

Mistakes. Mistakes for the wrong reasons. Mistakes for the right ones. Mistakes I'd make again? Sure, but only a few. I'm a person who never likes to eat alone, but I will... The oceans fascinate me and the mountains make me feel like I'm in on a secret. I'll never look at a circus clown in the face.

I'm the one was never good with "goodbye." I always feel like there is a better way to say "farewell." In my early adolescence, I learned how to walk-then-run away from things... I (sometimes) wish that I didn't learn that ill-fated skill. It was then that I also learned how to push certain things aside and just 'get on with it.'

Aert van der Neer's "Moonlit Landscape with Bridge" inside the National Gallery in DC is my favorite painting... Nothing even comes close. The word, "twilight," is one of the coolest words in the dictionary and it happens to be my favorite time of day... That time where things sit still in the grey area for 15 minutes or so... Not quite the day, not really the night... If the powers-that-be could grant me one wish, I would suggest extending the twilight of any given day by about 30 minutes. An easy 45 minutes is all I would ask for... It's perfect, especially in the autumn. Experiencing it and embracing it is a gift that I am always happy to receive. This, I can talk about for hours... Do you have the time? I'll make it if you do...

I've experienced love. I've won. I've lost. I'm winning...

Regrets? I'm human, but I try not to have them... I believe that if we are to love, it should be in the "deeply" and "madly" kind of way. No take-backs... Is there any other way? I also believe that Jeff Buckley was right. "Every time somebody tells you that they love you, that 'I love you' flies away and you wait until the next one." Personally, I believe that to be terribly special and it rings true on so many levels. To me. Take nothing for granted... I always wait, but I'm rarely patient.

The first book I read... I mean, the first book I "really" read was "Window on the Square" by Phyllis A. Whitney. It stuck with me and I'll always keep it close. Thanks, Mom.

I'm the one who will question your soul if you get nothing out listening to "The Nude" by The Catherine Wheel. I'll never apologize for that... If "Fake Plastic Trees" doesn't make you melt, you're probably not on my Christmas card list. I'm the one who appreciates Robert Browning's epic, "Fra Lippo Lippi," like a fine glass of cabernet or a delicious and proper pint of Guinness. I'm guessing that 1855 had to be a good year to be Mr. Browning. "This world's no blot for us, Nor blank; It means intensely, and means good: To find its meaning is my meat and drink." Me, too, Bob, me too.

And "Harvey."

This post scratches the surface. This post was worn on my sleeve. That's it. Me, to an extent. Is there more to say? Yes. Does anyone care? Ummm. I'll take my chances... Cheers.

I'm thinking about my dad. Big day tomorrow. I want it over.

I should shower now. It's time.

Be good to yourself. Be good to each other. Today, tomorrow. bsm*

[scrubs] #818

2009-05-06T20:44:00.000-07:00

My relationship with this situation comedy began in 2001. It was in October when Bill Lawrence introduced me to the staff at Sacred Heart. And so it began... The perfect dance.

I honestly can't say enough about this (often) excellent show that perfected the single-camera setup style. Most sitcoms would never use such a tactic. This show, unlike most, could go from serious to ridiculous to funny to sad to uplifting in the span of 60 seconds. The balance between the comedy and the drama was always paper thin perfect as some scenes and vignettes would play with audience putting an emotional stamp on an otherwise normal comedic minute. The writing and casting touches were usually spot on as the dialogue was always quick and rich. The voice over effects added so much to the visual...

And... The music. Engaging, appropriate... Mostly perfect with only a few misfires... It was this show that put Colin Hay back where he belonged... A best-kept secret who would charm his way back to all of us... Inside the nearest CD player and next to ears, young and old. No other show would or could ever do that... I could go on here, but I won't... Saving that for another time.

The last episode (at least, for now) aired tonight and they finished their time at Sacred Heart with a touch of class that made me reflect on some of the best finales ever... So many come to mind, but this one was different. Before I knew it... It was over and the ending was less than flashy, but poignant as it prompted me to think about so many of the avenues I've walked down. It was nice.

It was so very nice... Find it. Watch it. Live it.

There's more to say, of course, and I'm sure I'll carry on about it to the next person I see... Until then, I'll reflect on why TV can be good. And yes, there is more to say... Because there is something good about network television. You just have to be patient and you have to be willing to let yourself slide...

Goodnight. bsm* (w/ a 50/50 chance)

Scholastic benchwarmers unite!

2009-05-04T09:49:00.000-07:00

On this very day in 1994, I was asked to write 12 lines of rhyming poetry in the span of 24 minutes. This was all in preparation for a 11:30am final exam that would happen on the 12th... The feedback I received was lukewarm at best.

"All of this seems slight; maybe quickly done. It's hard for me to tell what you are trying to achieve here." - Professor Colquitt (super educated w/ thousands of hours of tenure)

The class in question? Engl 4213-035

The title in question? "1997"

01. All is well in this month of June.

02. We're sitting here staring at the moon.

03. At the stars, we hopelessly gaze...

04. Asking question about our human maze.

05. We're the future, it hardly seems.

06. Why can't our days be tiny dreams?

07. Scared? I guess it depends,

08. On how and when our time here ends...

09. Today's news is responsible for my honest thoughts.

10. It's true, one day our houses will be vacant lots.

11. The day is coming; She'll level the land.

12. Promise me, my love, you'll keep holding my hand.

It was a weak effort, I know... And Betsy was incredibly gentle in her assessment. She was always kind when it came to ripping my words to shreds. But 24 minutes seemed like a tall order and to me, it was maddening... I finished with 6 minutes to spare and promptly left the room. This much, I remember. Betsy felt that I could have worked longer to produce something better... I told her that I was hungry. She was right. I was wrong.

The last line was my favorite as the piece was built around those words. All 12 lines could have been better... When I found this earlier today, I smiled and remembered how her feedback still rings true today all these years later.

I always have a point and I felt like I had a point then... From the beginning... Lines #5, #6 & #8 give something away. At least they did then... My points will not always be clear, but the idea behind the meaning will show itself at some point. "1997" was what I called a "lollipop" piece, but I remember being so proud of the 18 minutes I spent building the sequence. Simple, yes. Silly, probably. Weak, definitely. A poet, I was never going to be... Never.

However, Professor Colquitt pushed me and her feedback always rang true. She often admitted that my ideas were lost on vacant thoughts, but she appreciated my careful treatment of said thoughts. Looking back, that particular class taught me more about myself than anything I had ever signed up for... I was grateful. I was happy to be there and she was always happy to show us something... And teach us, she did... Free thought and honest criticism. We were a small group and the feedback always went from rainbow bright to dark, polarizing debate. It was a great place to be... Never a dull moment and one class I never skipped... I couldn't...

A Texas Literary Hall of Famer... A published poet to the highest degree... Recipient of awards, large and small. A true Who's Who. A proper scholar... Professor Betsy Colquitt passed away last month.

This is my way of saying, "Thank you." I never said it enough...

- Still a benchwarmer

File number 7954

2009-04-30T06:44:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning to the sounds of rain droplets demanding my attention. They were calling out to me with all of the intent in the world, so fierce and loud. Like hunters in for the kill. I loved it.

The sun is coming out now... I've been taken back to a story that my mother told me when I was old enough to retain stories. What I am about to write about has nothing to do with what I was originally going to write about when I pressed the 'power' button on the HP Pavilion. My original thought had something to do with spaceship days when you and I were young. The way we would crown ourselves... Well, maybe the new topic has something to do with the original topic.

Here we go.

Today, I am celebrating another year of birth. A year older and maybe even a year wiser... Not sure. It goes something like this... Many Cheshire Cat moons ago, on a rainy-turned-sunny Monday at 1:58pm, I cried out and said "hey" to the attending staff at Harris Hospital in Ft. Worth, TX. Seven pounds. Thirteen ounces. Nineteen point five inches long. I learned these "vital" facts approximately 5 months ago.

Speaking of stats and measurements... This is a reflection on something I overheard at a grocery store two weeks ago (between a dude and someone who was clearly not his wife or significant other). I was looking for the perfect box of Wheat Thins. Because of what I heard and without going into great detail... I felt like... To me, it wasn't that far from the conversations that "probably" occur at a cock fight. "Hear where he was born and how much he weighed? That rooster brings some heat... Two ounces less and he would be at home walking around with the family dog, keeping the hen house company..." I realize that this sounds cynical and it probably is, but I have witnessed these kinds of conversations and there in the aisle, I was a bit bothered by it all... I call it how I see it...

Side note: I am not a parent. Not yet. If I become that kind of parent, you have my permission to put me in a Figure Four Leg Lock, Rick Flair-style... Wherever I am...

When we were born, our sole purpose was to live. That hasn't changed... Our way. The best way we know how... If we're lucky, we have solid parents or at least one who gets "it." I appreciate kids and I love watching them grow... In their own way. Not by measurements or sizes or percentiles... While they are important, they shouldn't be everything... I know that they're not, but the two that were keeping me from my Wheat Thins seemed to live their lives by this odd code. Everyone's entitled... Could be a phase... Just let the little kid live and embrace the the fact that they will one day make their mark. They will get there... Leave them alone.

A day older... I feel good.

To my Mom & Dad... Thank you for putting the ingredients together to make me... I owe so much to you.

I still miss Chuy.

First song of the day... "The Blue Flashing Light" by Travis. A true gem.

It's Thursday morning and LOST is on my mind. Last night's episode was rich.

Off to measure my height and weight...

Bring it on!

................bsm*

"crayons & houses"

2009-04-29T15:06:00.000-07:00

She turned the music down; the kids listened for the assignment.

"Try to use as many shades of red as you can, but leave one house free of color. Then when you're done, pass it to your left, but keep your head down... Let your neighbor choose what color it should be... Just concentrate on your neighborhoods. If it is passed to you and you're not done with your houses, stop and pass what you have... Don't forget. One house. No color. And in 40 minutes, I'll collect your work and we'll compare... Every house should have a color. One trophy. Go."

Lloyd raised his hand... "Why does my paper have one house on it? Pinky has five. And Dougie has seven. Oh and what song was that? Can you rewind it please?"

bsm*

If you've been... then you know... 1994.

2009-04-27T09:00:00.000-07:00

Finally, with some strength, I am ready to say a few words about this... On the 19th of April, I lost a beloved family member. His battle with congestive heart failure was over. He went out his way, on his terms. Fighting for us. For me. His name was "Jonas." We called him "Chuy."

What can I can say that hasn't already been said about this little guy? He had a strong run and the memories he gave us are infinite. Jonas was special in many ways and looking back, he represented so many things much bigger than himself. He represented an era, an ideology and a different way of seeing life in black and white. I believe this to be true.

I bought Jonas in Ft. Worth, TX, but he would live his whole life in Benbrook. He belonged there as he gave the town a bigger personality. I paid $55.00 for him... A small price to pay for something so genuine and perfect.

Jonas was a regular at "The Terrace" and he belonged to an exclusive club whose members saw the moon as something different. If you're reading this, you know who you are... Of course, if you've been to "The Terrace," then you know what I am referring to... I gave him the name, Jonas, because...

His presence could never be denied and his spirit even gave my eyes a different kind of sparkle. Some of that sparkle is gone now... He had this kind of effect on everyone he met. His memory is meant to be cherished and celebrated... Much like his life was...

I'm thinking about his 2nd birthday party. This memory always makes me smile, too, because he wasn't just another dog. I remember when a six-degrees-kind-of-stranger showed up with a stuffed toy asking how much the cover charge was and if the first keg had floated yet... I told him that we just tapped the 2nd keg and that there was no cover, but toys were appreciated only to be donated to a shelter. He seemed fine with this and even asked where he could find Chuy to say "Happy Birthday." I asked him how he knew about the fiesta and he said that "everybody" knew that Chuy was having a birthday party. Puzzled (not really), I thanked him and pointed him in the right direction. I also remember him commenting on the Slush Puppie cup that I had in my left hand. I said, "No, these are only for Slush Puppies. Sorry, dude. You get the red cups. That's Chuy's call tonight." I still have those cups.

I miss him so much...

For those of you who knew him, thank you for letting him into your lives... Just know that his heart was big enough for all of you.

I'm raising my glass to you now, Chuy. Save me a spot on the pitch, okay?

A good dog, such a good dog...

bsm*

David & Louie were right.

2009-04-24T07:06:00.000-07:00

/ Could have had a chance to get out of this wreck. / The time that you came and the day that you left. / Could have had a chance... / Could have had a chance. / Never thought I could make it this far. / With a dent in my soul and a hole in my heart. / Never thought I could... / Never thought I could. // But when the lights are turning 'round and wheels are rolling on the ground... / That day I'll burn this whole place down. / When the circus comes to town. // You left your name carved on a tree. / You scratched mine out right in front of me. / Didn't mean that much... / Didn't mean that much. // But when the lights are turning 'round and wheels are rolling on the ground... / That day I'll burn this whole place down. / When the circus comes to town. // I'll scratch your name out on that tree. / I'll chase your heart right out of me. / Doesn't mean that much... / Doesn't mean that much. // But when the lights are turning 'round and wheels are rolling on the ground... / That day I'll burn this whole place down. / When the circus comes to town. /

Yep, David and Louie had it right. Perfect right from the start. Thanks, guys... Maybe next time, huh?

/ bsm* /

July 20th, 1994 to April 19th, 2009...

2009-04-19T16:52:00.000-07:00

"chuy..........." may you rest in total peace. goodbye...

Untitled No. 7

2009-04-16T09:45:00.000-07:00

On past experience: "He who never makes mistakes never did anything that's worthy."

Lucky Numbers 24, 15, 55, 4, 10, 5

Apple

- from a fortune cookie that I cracked open (but did not eat) around 9:33pm on Thursday, September 25th, 2008 at the P.F. Chang's located in the Bel Mar area of Lakewood, CO.

The grass is greener where it rains.

2009-04-15T20:03:00.000-07:00

Just thinking about the forecast... Looks like rain is, once again, upon us... Can kind of smell it coming my way.

It's perfect outside, I think. Spent a little bit of time thinking about the time of year and how fast it seems to be moving... It's the middle of the month and we're pushing on through to the other side of the 2009. May will cruise in, June will wink and smile, July will nod and throw a peace sign our way and August will dance around the Texas sun staring right at me. And... You get the picture.

Life moves fast.

Time can be a friend. Time can also be an enemy. Time is just a word, I suppose, but it's a powerful word that seems to get bigger and stronger as we grow older... It has more control than I ever gave it credit for... It demands respect and requires our full attention. Only sometimes, however. I can't give in to time. I can't give in to a possible enemy. Not now. The battle against time, that frantic race against time, the pace it takes to keep up... Who's keeping track? Who has the stopwatch?

Day by day. Gotta take it day by day... No real need to rush into what's coming our way. Maximize today. Stretch it, make it last. Don't forget to wave...

Just some random musings... Whatever, y'know?

Oh... I have a date with U2 on the 12th of October. I made my reservations today. To that, I drink.

Take care, goodnight. Tick tock.

AD 33? PAAS? Pigs?

2009-04-10T12:39:00.000-07:00

It's Good Friday and I want to say this much about the mythical Easter Bunny. Like many people, I still challenge the notion that it has to be a rabbit. Like most people, I dig rabbits, hares, cottontails named Peter, jackrabbits, Bugs Bunny...

And I know that there is a great deal of folklore around the idea of these creatures laying eggs and delivering them (in assorted colors - thank you, PAAS and thank you, vinegar) to little kids. Or the rabbit (or parent or weird uncle) would hide them so the children could play 'hide-n-seek' with the eggs with baskets around their arms...

Speaking of baskets, how is it that the translucent green "grass" that the local five and dimes push always ends up in the strangest places in any given household? And it magically appears throughout the whole year? It shows up everywhere... In the closet no one is allowed to open. The attic. Behind the washing machine. Sock drawer. Under the bed. And...

ANYWAY.

Some eggs even contain candy, pocket change, a single Washington, or in some neighborhoods, a crisp $20 bill. Was this Peter Cottontail's idea? Maybe. Probably has nothing to do with Christianity and the purpose behind it... I suppose it's sad that Easter can be watered down, too.

The hunt was always fun and I remember enjoying everything about collecting little prizes in my backyard or at the closest park where people celebrated Easter by eating massive amounts of BBQ and watermelon. Some people even made a point to wear yellow to church. Anything in the pastel family would work because matching the dyed eggs was obviously important. I do recall wearing a Cincinnati Bengals t-shirt one year when I was in elementary school. Not entirely sure why, but I did like the new helmets. Then and only then did I like the helmets.

Moving on, this is my take on the Easter Bunny. I was never sold on him (or her - because she layed eggs) and I always asked why it had to be a rabbit. No one could ever tell me why. Not a single adult came to the plate.

So I pleaded with the ones who would listen to me and I asked this very important question: "Why can't it be a Fat Easter Pig? His name can be 'Paul.' That's from the bible!" I was a little dude and I wanted answers... People couldn't even tell me that having an Easter pig was out of the question. And I never bought into their Santa Claus reasoning... That's something different, at least, for me. Like St. Nick can be replaced... Never. No go.

I still campaign for Paul, the Fat Easter Pig. Looking back, he doesn't even need to have a first name. He just needs to wear comfortable boots. Lots of yards to visit, y'know...

Time's up. Gotta run.

Cheers. Happy Easter to you. To everyone...

bsm*

Kelly green SDRE wristbands for hire...

2009-04-09T20:25:00.000-07:00

On the hazy drive home this evening, I came across an old friend. And I feel like taking this time to fill you in on said friend.

Circa 1994, May timeframe. "Diary" by Sunny Day Real Estate. If you own it, you know. If you don't, there's still time.

It opened up more than a mind. It ushered in something terribly special for me. To this day, I still can't explain it. I've tried. Some care because they were there... Others just pretend to care... Some even listen with intent. Some listen because it could be more interesting than the last "Friends" rerun on TBS. I don't mind. Well, sometimes, I do...

In 1997, I was looking for answers... For inspiration. For what exactly, I'm not entirely sure, but I could name a few... So, I pieced together some of my favorite lyrics from the eleven songs that made up "Diary." Lyrics, lines that lasted... In the running order of the songs, from #1 to #11. I kept them with me as they happened to tell a story, a story that would live inside my head for years to come. They just seemed to fit... It just happened that way. My mission in doing this was to, over time, take random samples from eleven sentences from assorted pieces that I had worked on over the years and combine them to (hopefully) tell a different story all together. Kind of like an exercise to myself to be a bit more creative with eleven passages that would never see the light of day anyway. To give them a better life. My words hold little water compared to what Jeremy Enigk did with "Diary," but my non-long player, "Rooftops to Duane St." had its moments. Not really.

Here are the first 11 from which I pieced together from the lyric sheet in 1997:

"...and brave songs disappear to the secret. where words are not and feeling remains. an image of your face traced in white sand. my clothes were damp. caught a glimpse of truth. my breathing is leaving after yours. see how they run. buried in me lies a child's toy. help unchain this memory. the rain was there to wash away my tears. no words to explain." - Diary, 1994

And here are my 11 lines that were taken from my own little diary:

"words on the page fading in and out of her lips. unsettled, but content with the brief moment of clarity. his bible dreams clustered under the pillow. the sea of tranquility is flooding their sky with light. hope humming from the chapel around the corner. her gown was just long enough to hide her secrets. behind the melodic mask of wine. false gestures from guests, unwelcome. truth coming from courage born out of fear. everything, every piece glued together with tears and dollar bills. the parade procession pointed them to the other road, headlamps on..." - Rooftops to Duane St., 1997, 1998, 2006

So there you have it... Maybe there is something there, maybe not. Nothing major, nothing riveting, just something from me to you as we are heading towards another weekend. Incidentally, the last line in my eleven was written on the back of a fax cover sheet. A short interlude of a short, short story about a couple of brothers and an October carnival... I was at my desk at work and I wanted to finish what I had started so many years ago. Seemed like the right thing to do... You see, "Rooftops to Duane St." was only comprised of 10 pieces of whatever... I always needed an eleventh... Odd as I wrote it out staring at Fresca citrus soft drink. I've never had the pleasure... I'm missing out on something special, I think... Come to think of it, I still don't know what a bowl of Wheaties tastes like...

So long for now.

from Martha Graham to Agnes de Mille

2009-04-03T07:40:00.000-07:00

"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours, clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You only have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatsoever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others..."

My lariat, my dignity, my lunch.

2009-04-02T08:08:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning and started flipping some channels... I landed on Channel 332. I came across something shocking... At least, it was "shocking" to me. Something I have never seen... I found myself watching the last half of a video that was equal parts disturbing and fascinating, but in a sad, sad, world-could-possibly-end kind of way. Utterly shocking...

This is my take.

I had just woken up, but as I focused in, my eyes found themselves fixated on several people who were frolicking around on screen. Anything anyone has ever seen in a big budgeted music video was captured here in full effect from:

a) Too-cool-for-you convertible cars (think Cadillac & limousine)
b) Scantily-clad women & cheerleaders & more scantily-clad women
c) Blow up dolls (?)
d) Males and females smiling as they fake-sing (don't do that, ever)
e) Fur coats
f) EVERYONE wearing sunglasses
g) A marching band
h) Assorted groupies who won tickets to be in the shoot
i) A midget (or little person) holding something - in this case, twirling an umbrella
j) I really could go on and on and on...

The song that accompanied this video? "Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)" by Big & Rich.

Huh? Wha? Who? How? Ba, ba? Moo, moo?

Let's dig in...

To start, I've heard these clowns before, but mostly as background noise, y'know, the kind of noise people hear at any event that ends with "-fest." Or at any bar that has a poor music supervisor...

I understand that from 2004 to present day, this song speaks to millions of Americans who enjoy their share of country, rock and hip-hop. And humor. I also understand that these two "artists" are accomplished songwriters and have written many songs for a number of popular singers today. Their list of collaborations with other "superstars" is also something to marvel at... This does not surprise me, but it does scare me.

I'm not even sure which one is Big and which one is Rich, but by gauging the size of the jaw and chin of the blonde one, I would have to guess that he is "Big." Just spit-balling here, but I am 98% certain that you could house an entire cheese tray on this guy's chin. To clarify the volume, I'm talking about the kind of assorted cheeses and crackers that would feed an overly popular 23 yr old expectant mommy's baby shower on the Saturday before Easter. Yeah, I know... Precious.

In the video, Big & Rich whore themselves around with obnoxious Ted Nugent grins... With every nationality surrounding them, supporting their (more-than-likely) bachelorette party "anthem." Well, for any party, really, but "bachelorette" seems to fit my mood right now... Whatever. Everyone is happy and the smiles are bigger than the states of Texas and Tennessee put together. Even the dude slinging the imaginary lasso around while leading the marching band is having the time of his life, like he was being tickled for the first time. Ever! Every single person in the video is parading around like they just made the Top 12 on American Idol.

Is this all it takes? This is what people want to see? Really?

Who is directing this motley crew of jesters? Who's responsible? Who's in charge? Why does the little person have a mean scowl on his face? What is he trying to tell me? Who's on patrol? Is this banned in Europe? Why isn't is banned here? Has Rob Dickinson seen this? Why do I have this urge to start a support group? For what? I don't know...

It's amazing that this garbage gets manufactured and I haven't even gotten to the song yet... Good grief, the song... The title! I can't even go there...

I've wasted a perfectly good post on this and I'm losing focus. Because I am starving right now, I'll stop here.

So, in closing, Big & Rich took something away from me this morning... To an extent, I feel violated... It was my fault.

I need a shower.

Later, bsm*

The mark; It will not go away.

2009-03-27T09:39:00.000-07:00

It's Friday. Again.

I'm wondering what the weather will bring today. Seems that we're in for some sort of minor cold front... Walter Winter just doesn't want to welcome Sally Spring. This suits me as I'm okay with a temperature dip from time to time. I'm looking outside and it looks like a male cardinal is staking his claim to something on the ground. Probably a seed or two that has been left behind by someone else. Probably Phillip. He's like that...

Just took a sip of water. From the tap and into an American pint glass.

That's better.

Everything seems to change like the weather. People evolve. Ideas flourish. Plans unfold to show the world that something great can result from something simple. A simple conversation. A simple laugh. An honest cry. It doesn't have to be grand, but it has to be pure. When it's pure... The flavor in the bottle can last forever. The world offers... I mean... The world "around us" offers a bucket of clues that we can either ignore or embrace. To ignore them would be unfair, but to reach out to them and snuggle up to the idea that life is meant to be carved into the thickest tree in the yard... That is where the journey begins, I'm thinking... That is where the true seekers start. Fighting to keep the blade sharp. Fighting to keep the eyes clear. Struggling to hang on... Believing in the belief of winning and accepting the challenges... Never being afraid to fall. Never being afraid to fall behind, always believing that the fall will mean something to someone you... Following the path. Seeing the signs up ahead. Seeking something great. Sharing that greatness. Raising the glass. Feeling the sheer beauty of the path. Carving deeper and deeper into the trunk. Uncovering the maps...

Another sip. A longer sip this time. Good.

OK.

I'd like to say something about the word, "victory." It matters more than anyone will ever care to admit. Even to the ones who aren't keeping score.

Look at the time.

Today, I'd like to thank Madwell, Pugliano, McMahon (to a lesser extent), Hutchinson, Markos, and Wright. I'm raising my pint glass to all of you today. Wherever you are...

Listening to "Flower To Hide" right now. My day just started... This is getting good.

Until, bsm*

"Take from me the apple of my eye."

2009-03-23T09:03:00.000-07:00

Here goes...

"Yeah... I've always looked up at like it was some... like it was some sort of god extending his helping hand... guiding us to the heavens. If, some might say, this is the way in... I mean, how could it not be... then I want to be a part of this, you know. Even in pictures, it's enormous and majestic... In person, however, it's a completely different world. It's completely different. It has, for some time, drawn me to its highest peaks. As God and Everest. Yeah. This is the way in..." - Pop Unknown, 2001.

On Friday of last week, I drove 3 hours to see Pop Unknown. Reunited for the second of three special engagements. You see, Pop Unknown hasn't been a band since 2002. And when they called it a day, a certain void was left... Seeing Pop Unknown in concert was like nothing else... No comparisons. Just a five piece with a certain swagger and sincerity that always left the audience wanting more... I won't go into the kind of music they made, but I will say that they sewed every track with the kind of thread that could only be spun from the heart. And if you were lucky enough to catch them on tour, you made sure that you saw them more than once.

Pop Unknown had a small, if unique, following that was born out of Austin, TX. When on a touring bill, they performed for their faithful regardless of the circumstances surrounding them... I remember seeing them play to as few as 15 people to as many as a 100 and I remember them playing to a couple of thousand rabid Jimmy Eat World fans in 2000 (before JEW set the world on fire with "The Middle" in 2001). They blazed through a tight 10+ song set that sent the crowd, clearly there to see JEW, into a frenzy. It was and still is my opinion that they didn't open up for JEW that night. It was Jimmy Eat World that closed for Pop Unknown. I believe this as I type because JEW is one of the good, if not great ones and Pop Unknown showed them up in a way that could only be comprehended if you were lucky enough to be there in 2000. More importantly, Pop Unknown were a band you could talk to... A group you could get to know... They were always grateful.

Having solid successes in pockets of the United States and in Europe, Pop Unknown toured relentlessly and made impressions wherever they could plug in... With an EP, two full lengths and a 7" or two, Pop Unknown built something special in a very short amount of time. I honestly can't say enough about the impression they left with me and when it was announced that they would reunite for three Austin gigs, it was a no-brainer that I would make the trek to see them one last time. Why they were doing this didn't matter because all I cared about was that it was really happening... Sadly, I could not make the 2/21 show, but I would (most certainly) attend the 3/20 show. The final gig ever would take place 2 days later...

So... On the 20th, around 11:20am, I arrived in Austin. A little hungry. A slice of pie from Hoboken Pies would do the trick. It was a scene. It was SXSW time and it was flooded with people waking up from Thursday night festivities. The sun was out and the mood was set... I made my way to the venue thinking about all of the times I had seen Pop Unknown. It would be a small, yet dedicated crowd of 50 or so that would welcome this great band to the stage at the lunchtime start time. Pop Unknown would be the first of a series of acts that would play throughout the day. I scored a cold 16 ounce beverage and took my spot. I waited... A guy with a killer camera stood by me and asked if I had ever seen Pop Unknown. I mentioned that I had seen them more times than I could count and he said that this was his second time ever with his first time being last month for the first reunion gig at The Mohawk. It went like this...

Me: "I'm looking forward to this... They never let me down."
Guy: "That's cool. I love their music. Where are you from?"
M: "I'm 3 hours north. I had to make this trip."
G: "You drove 3 hours just for this?"
M: "Indeed. And I'll drive 3 hours back when it's over. This is the reward. So worth it."
G: "You're not sticking around for some of the others?"
M: "Affirmative, man. Again. Worth it. No other band matters today. Not today."

Pop Unknown finally took the stage and launched into their set with a subtle force that I remembered them for... Of course, time and age has worn on them, but they wear it well and the music sounded exactly the way it did in 2002. Just as tight. Just as focused.

Joel, calm, cool, determined to get it right. Matt, quietly confident, never brittle. Gabe, all precision and timing, a rock... Erick, ever ready, ever steady. Tim, charisma, character, always on, never off.

Then it was over. Just like that... Impressive and memorable and fun. After a little bit of banter, a "thank you" or two and farewell handshakes, I made my way back to the parking lot passing all of the people that missed the show. I was happy.

On my drive back home, I thought about the 7 songs they played... A collective "best of" that would play over and over in my head... Looking back at each title, each song could (loosely) represent the last 7 years of someone's life. Maybe even mine. The 7 years that have passed since I last saw Pop Unknown serenade an audience... The 7 years that life has given me. The 7 years that I have taken out of life... Nothing philosophical, but a correlation could be made... Time flies...

I'm thinking that the show at Joel's Austin Art Garage on the 22nd was similar, but it was probably different only because it really would be the final Pop Unknown gig ever. I'm pleased that I was able to see them off into their Austin sunset. Good luck, guys. Thanks for the memories. Best wishes for the next chapter...

Pop Unknown, Creekside Lounge, Austin, TX, 03/20/09, 12:30pm

1. Contact. 2. The invisible complex. 3. Half of ninety. 4. As god and everest. 5. Head in the sand. 6. Another holiday. 7. Writing it down for you.

Time flies... Goodbye.

bsm*

We're half awake in a fake empire.

2009-03-13T05:45:00.000-07:00

Friday the 13th... Today, "On My Sleeve." is exactly 2 months old. I've never celebrated 2 months of anything, but I feel like celebrating OMS today. This vehicle for myself has proven to be something of a welcome distraction from all of the happy and unhappy nonsense that surrounds me everyday.

For the ones reading, thank you for dropping by... I'll take a bite out of that special cupcake that I have prepared to mark this random day. I even topped it with lemon icing for you.

Speaking of birthday rituals... Here's my take... I offered this to a childhood friend who celebrated her 21st birthday for the 15th time last week. On your special day or on any day where you feel the need to celebrate the aging process of anything or anyone, make sure that you sing your favorite song. Even if you can't sing, belt it out... Sing it proud. And if your special day is older than the number one, blow out all of the candles except one. Leave it for next year just because... Serve yourself two slices of cake, one for you and one for the person who baked it... It matters. And lastly, make sure to make your wish with your eyes closed... No peeking... If it comes true, it came true because you did your best... And if it doesn't come true, you'll know that you did your best.

Odd that I would reference the word, "wish," two days in a row (see yesterday's post). This is all leading to something deeper... I can feel it.

It's raining again and "Ballerina Out Of Control" is serenading me from a few feet away. I haven't listened to it in 2009 and I will say that it sounds as fresh as it ever did... If you've heard it, you know how special it is and if you haven't, go... Go now. Find it. Make it yours.

"Wrapped In Piano Strings" just started... Another surprise. Today seems to be off to a fine start. I love the line, "Few words could open me. But you knew them all."

It's time to go now... bsm*

"I'm taking it back. I'm taking them all back."

2009-03-12T12:28:00.000-07:00

Start.

It's raining where I'm at... It's cloudy. It's grey outside. It's even gloomy to a certain extent. It's perfect. I love the mist. I love the rain. I love feeling it... I enjoy watching it... Playing in it can also be an ace move on the right day... I've always welcomed the rain. I appreciate it like a dragonfly appreciates the wind. My relationship with rain is an important one. The rain symbolizes entirely too much for me to get into for this purpose, but I will say that yesterday's seemingly everlasting rain shower stirred up some riveting thoughts... Thoughts that could only be realized with "The Goonies." Oh, my sweet companions from my yesterdays who never seemed to let me down... Never.

If you've seen "The Goonies," you may share some of my thoughts around this idea. You probably have a favorite Goonie and you probably have a favorite scene or ten. Today, I'm interested in this one... The one where the Goonies are collecting coins from a wishing well.

Stef said, "Wait, wait, stop, stop! You can't do this!"
Data and Mikey asked, "Why?"
Stef replied, "Because these are somebody else's wishes. They're somebody else's dreams."
Mouth responded, "Yeah, but you know what? This one, this one right here. This was my dream, my wish. And it didn't come true. So I'm taking it back. I'm taking them all back."

I understood that moment. I understand that moment now. It's a gripping dialogue on the hopes and dreams we all share... Everything we wish for may not come true. Of course, life will surprise us and we will take it all in and consider these things as gifts. Most of the time, that will suffice. But sometimes... Sometimes, it just isn't good enough when you dream and hope for something that falls on deaf ears. The faith that we are taught to embrace and the goodwill that we are expected to give... It doesn't always make sense. It didn't make sense to Corey Feldman's character. It was a bitter moment. And given what the Goonies were fighting for, it made all the sense in the world. I was on his side then... I feel like I'm on his side now.

Cue to another beloved scene... Unfortunately, this one is nowhere to be found. It was a deleted scene that certain networks would insert as a time-filler to extend the flick. I have been lucky enough to see it on a few occasions, but it's a true rarity. It doesn't even spend time as an outtake on the DVD edition that I hope you own. To see it is to cherish it forever... I probably sound ridiculous right now... I don't care.

Still in the well, Andy declares, "I'm not a Goonie." So she's sworn in...

Ladies, gents, boys, girls... "The Goonies Oath."

"I will never betray my goon dock friends. We will stick together until the whole world ends... Through heaven and hell, and nuclear war. Good pals like us, will stick like tar. In the city, or the country, or the forest, or the boonies... I am proudly declared a fellow Goonie."

And then we see Troy's jacket (that Andy was wearing) on the bucket as it's sent up the well. Awesome. Something about the simplicity of that agreement gets me. Right in the gut. If all agreements and contracts were that simple... And that silly... People might put a different spin on... Nevermind.

For some reason, it just makes me smile. I really don't know why any of this matters... On second thought, I do know why...

The rain made me do it.

So... Visit Astoria, Oregon someday. I promise it will not let you down.

This post is dedicated to the ones born in the month of December.

- bsm*

Stop.

Part IV

2009-03-09T15:24:00.000-07:00

> Excerpt from a story that was started in October (2008)... It was actually discussed and debated briefly... Given my last month, it feels right to toss it out into the ring and give it a spin...

The protagonist has just returned to his childhood home that has remained empty for 22 months. He realizes that he is missing something that he thought he had, but feels like he left it behind somewhere in 1 of 4 shoe boxes that are (most likely) under the bed he left behind so many years ago. As he walks around the vacant house, he begins to think to himself... Looking up and around at his past, but feeling his future with every step. Something feels different. Slightly different from his last visit, 3 weeks ago. He decides to go outside to the backyard. It's where he always felt safe. Then he started to talk...

To start from the bottom and to begin the process of building something from nothing... In reality, that nothing is actually something that's always been there, just in different forms. It was there then, it's there now. It's here. Now. Talking about life. Talking about facts. Uncovering the moment when something changed. Choices. The choices between the supposed change and the choices we all make to get by, but not necessarily to live by... What do you live by? Who do you live by? What rules? Who plays what role? Who's keeping score? Who blows the whistle? Who rings the bell to signal the beginning or the end? Who, besides you, can protect your soul? Anyone there? Who's watching? What keeps your soul up at night? Some time ago, I learned a few things about life. Life is worth living... I learned that the minute and day I was born was the day I started to die. The process began... My one shot to make my mark, my difference to the world. To be me, myself, I... To take everything and hold onto it with the whole of my heart. And all that my heart has to offer... Not many around to accept it, but plenty around to poke at it all and assume what could never be assumed... I see someone with a soul when I look in the mirror. Who do you see when you see me? Who do you see when you look at yourself? Who is it that you say your prayers for? Are they around to know? Are they listening? Do they care? The games we play... The goals we achieve, the smiles we make and the smiles we hide... The weight we wear on our shoulders. The joy we feel. The moments we create... The joy we make. What are the things that matter most? Have you ever been proud of a mistake you've made? Was it even a mistake? Is celebrating a mistake any different from celebrating a victory? Daring to live, living to dream, waiting for the next eclipse to come and do it all over again... To start it all over again. To make us look up all over again...

bsm*

3. Titch (3:22)

2009-03-04T13:29:00.000-08:00

So... It's been about a month or so since my last entry. The month of February... An interesting one, to say the least. I'm not sure where to start, but I have several thoughts that have piled up on my sleeve that I am hoping to reveal over the next week or so...

Note: I am still adjusting to this posting thing...

I can say that over the last month, I have appreciated some good-to-great food and have witnessed some artifacts from a time long, long ago. The music that has kept my ears busy has ranged from Grand Archives to Jeff Buckley to Bob Dylan to The Appleseed Cast. I also managed to watch episodes of several television shows. I read a book. Just one. Kind of a small achievement for me. And my trusty television gave me many smiles, but the sighs equalled each cheerful grin. So it seemed to me... That's not necessarily a bad thing.

Like every day, week or month, February provided many talking points and it's not easy to capture all of them in a setting like this, but I will try... The second month of 2009 proved to be an exhausting one on many levels... Emotionally taxing, physically daunting, and...

I'll stop here... bsm*

"untitled scrawl at two something (on the second)"

2009-02-06T11:23:00.000-08:00

and then he went to the door to answer the "knock-knock-knock." No one was there when he peeked through the poorly named peephole. Perhaps the person or persons calling were short people or circus dwarves. Maybe even hiding in the bushes... He thought for a moment at who would be summoning him at this hour of the day. It was 4:40pm. He knew this because Oprah was on a commercial break and it was too early for the Banana Splits Adventure Hour on Boomerang. He decided to open the door because his curiosity was hungry for something that would obviously be a surprise. It was cold outside, so he slipped on his house slippers to match his not-so-warm robe. No one was there, but a cheap looking portable CD player awaited him on his porch. There, on the rickety planks, with just a little bit of moisture covering it because it had started misting to make an already cold afternoon seem much colder. Next to it was a 3x5 card that read in red capital letters, "Forward to Hummingbirds. Press Play. I dare you to play #8." Was this a joke or an early Christmas present three days before Thanksgiving? He stood there wondering what to do... He decided to pick up the anonymous gift. He took it inside and stared at the electronic device as he put it on his cluttered coffee table. Right on top of a picked over National Geographic magazine with Stonehenge on the cover. After 3 or 4 minutes, he pressed "Play" and sat back on his cozy couch........................................... Rumor has it that the first sentence of his article was, "I'm making plans to be with you."

12/02/08 (usatsfh)

From a thief you should learn...

2009-02-06T10:50:00.000-08:00

1. to work at night

2. if one cannot gain it in one night to try again the next night

3. to love one's co-workers just as thieves love each other

4. to be willing to risk one's life even for a little thing

5. not to attach too much value to things even though you've risked your life for them just as a thief will resell a stolen article for a fraction of its worth

6. to withstand all kinds of beatings and tortures but to remain what you are

7. to believe that your work is worthwhile and not be willing to change it

69th Year, No. 9

2009-02-05T09:50:00.000-08:00

This is arguably one of the most random things that I could possibly write about while listening to "Straight To Hell."

Senior Citizens. A couple of weeks ago, after leaving a certain house in a certain neighborhood, I made an effort to seek out and find a local newspaper that happened to be established in 1939. One stop. One score. I browsed through the tight 20 page small-fry after I parked, but before I made my way to the second floor of the establishment where I would meet up with a few friends, new and old. Something struck me on Page 20. "Senior Center News." Hidden in the back in the last section as if it was an afterthought of some sort or a kind of "well, we better tuck this in there so we can feel good about our publication" effort. At least, this was my first reaction to it... I realize that all publications have announcements of some sort that chart out the happenings and "places-to-be" for our elders, but this particular version struck a chord that would stay with me for a little while. Simply put, I consider the ones that are in the "senior" category and I sometimes wonder what they're up to because I am certain that they sometimes wonder what in the world we're up to at half their age and what possesses us to do the things we do... A weekly itinerary would look like this in this scenario:

> Kaffee Klatch Time
> Games (including bean bag baseball)
> Walk/Exercise
> 42/Crafts/Canasta (suddenly, I feel like I am on another planet...)
> Sewing Projects
> 42/Quilting/Van Trip/Canasta (a trip? in a van?)
> Dine-Out Luncheon

All times, of course, being scattered throughout the day or week from 8am to 2pm or something, but bean bag baseball has the curious starting time of 12:15pm on Fridays only... Surveying this list of events said a few things to me... 1) I suppose that these kinds of things are 100% necessary to ensure that our beloved elders have places to be with things to do if they choose so; 2) I do not want to grow old; 3) Do I need to learn 42 before I hit a certain age?; 4) Why does it have to be a van? Why not a 1967 GTO?; and 5) I am truly afraid of growing old, but I welcome "some" of the choices and possiblities it could bring...

I mean... I am not sure that I will be able to make a clear point, but I know where my heart is on these kinds of things... My parents are senior citizens and I am sure that one day the thought of playing canasta with possible strangers turned friends could be a nice distraction from growing older... When I see them, I understand the dynamic of where they have been and where they are going and I love them more for all of it... My point being... I get the sentiment around schedules like this and I totally get the idea that some people need that interaction with others and everyone likes to belong somewhere. No exceptions. Everyone wants a voice. Everyone wants to be heard even if it has to be in the middle of a mad round of bean bag baseball. I respect the idea of a Senior Center and I tip my hat to the organizing crew who puts it all together... It's a nice sign of faith that someone is looking out for our moms, dads, grandparents, uncles, aunts and the ones without the ones to call when they just want or need to say something... It all makes sense and people need options. I will want options when that time comes just like you will... At least, I think I will...

In the end, I guess that getting a little press in the back of any publication is good press. Every town does it differently and when I hit "that" timeframe in life, I will probably welcome these kinds of things as options... I don't want them to be my only options, however.

I will say this... Just glancing at the schedule makes me think about the last time I bumped into an older gent at the grocery store or the last time I saw an obvious grandchild holding onto her grandmother's hand as they strolled through the museum. And it also reminded me of a time when I was inside The National Gallery in D.C. gazing at a painting alongside an older dude who was studying his life all over again inside the painting that I had just discovered as something that I would want to share with everyone... I wonder what he is up to 7+ years later... I'll never forget the intent in his forehead. Odd, I know, but this is on my mind. All because of something I saw on Page 20.

Respect the old. Consider them... Always.

- bsm*

Sigur Ros, before I forget...

2009-02-02T10:58:00.000-08:00

*** This is a little something that I wrote to myself last year. Early October. It was something that I had to write about... I appreciate music and I appreciate live music even more. Just had to be done, I guess... Of note, this particular piece has been edited down because I always thought it was too long. And I felt that... Well, it's mine and who cares what I do with my concert reviews... It's for me. Moving forward, if you have ever heard of Sigur Ros, then reading something like this will not surprise you as many, many, many people write about the experience of seeing them in concert, so I figured I would join the crowd. So, before I forget, here is my take... ***

This was my third time to see this curious band from Iceland. Sigur Ros or "Victory Rose." I first experienced them on April 2nd, 2003 at the Granada on Greenville Avenue in Dallas as they toured behind their apocalyptic two-sided release, ( ). Yes, it is this band that could only name an album with parentheses signaling nothing... I then witnessed something incredibly intense on February 27th, 2006 as they wrapped up their North American jaunt, a mere 15 minutes from my beloved hometown of Benbrook, at the Bass Hall in Ft. Worth. This time, "Takk..." was the release that they toured behind. Two venues that could not have been further apart in look, sound and space. Even the crowds separated themselves from one another... I remember saying to myself, "Sigur Ros, velvet seats, marble floors, last show of tour, how appropriate." Two equally mesmerizing shows that would tattoo my world forever for different reasons I would only share with no more than 3, maybe 5 deserving people.

This time, it was "Með Suð í Eyrum Við Spilum Endalaust" that they would tour behind. I love the translation... "with a buzz in our ears we play endlessly." Playful, yet honest. I love it. This should be a stocking stuffer for every person who uses their soul more than their heart this holiday season.

So on this windy, crisp Colorado night, I found myself in the red-dirt covered Northern Parking Lot on top of the very important amphitheater that I would soon enter for the first time. I have been enamored by this sacred (to me) venue ever since I saw Bono hold his white flag on the fuzzy "Sunday Bloody Sunday" video from "Under a Blood Red Sky" that MTV would rotate when MTV was worth watching... I think that the channel had something to do with music then... I was young. For many, many, many years, I would hope and pray that I would find myself at Red Rocks. On this one Saturday, my wish came true.

After spending an hour or so frolicking in the parking lot and enjoying good craft beers with friends and scoring a spicy chicken sandwich at the Red Rocks Grill inside the museum that I could have spent 2 hours in, we made our way to our seats. Stone-wooden-bleacher-like seats that kept me at a bird's eye view of the somewhat vacant stage. To my left and right were the spectacular sandstone monoliths, "Creation Rock" and "Ship Rock," both standing taller than Niagara Falls. A geologist's dream... I found it somewhat overwhelming that I was sitting inside of a structure that was popular during the Jurassic period.

The temperature was dropping and it probably bottomed out at 48 degrees with a slight wind that would only harm the ones with shorts on... I was just right. It was perfect. I was close to the stars and I even secretly reached up just to say that I reached up at the stars just to remind myself how small I really am... Downtown Denver was a few pea-sized lights away from my vantage point. Just awesome... Dale's Pale Ale would be my poison tonight. Hoppy. Yummy. Perfect.

Parachutes opened... A 45 minute set which was nice, but a bit sleepy for this antsy crowd... Definitely enjoyable. Soft and soothing, really. English speaking, too. The band consisted of no more than 8 members all playing their parts. The guy playing the horns was exceptional. The girl's voice was nice. It just made me that more anxious to see Sigur Ros. A nice appetizer, however.

The sheer beauty of being inside the nation's most gorgeous and natural amphitheater was amazing... When I saw them last, they had a 4 person strings section that helped them out with some of the depth that only violins and cellos can provide... On this special night, it was just the 4 band members and an assortment of instruments including the sweet penny whistle. As if they were telling the crowd that they didn't need 4 or 6 extras on stage with them to perform their music. It was them in the rawest state. Their CDs are layered with all sorts of atmospheric touches as horns and strings have been known to dominate some of their songs. It is all so hard to explain, but these guys cannot be compared to anything, but Explosions In The Sky comes to mind, but even that may be a stretch... Sigur Ros will make you see Heaven and they will make you feel like... If the world ended at any second, you'd be okay because you left the world listening to this band. The drummer is a heavyweight in the world of thunderstorms and the singer, Jonsi, does things people shouldn't be able to do with a violin bow which he uses as his guitar pick. The pianist is part alien and part Beethoven. The bassist is just cool, donning the bowtie and bowler/derby lid. He even played one song with a drumstick as his bass pick. Unstoppable, really.

The entire night was moving, uplifting and heartbreaking all at the same time. They weaved in and out of songs and even teased us with a full amphitheater sing-a-long during "Með Blóðnasir" that had me upright with watery eyes filled with joy and amazement chanting like a schoolboy singing his first Christmas carol. Incidentally, my classroom debut in Mrs. Breedlove's 3rd grade music class was "Can You Hear What I Hear." I played the triangle with Craig Carnley. As I type now, I have goose bumps running up and down my left arm just thinking about this special audience chant. I remember wiping a couple of salty tears from my eyes during this incredible moment. The first in a string of many...

I will never be able to do Sigur Ros justice because describing their music is almost impossible. It's like falling stars telling each other bedtime stories while watching God weep onto the Earth. It's the sound of angels being woken up for the first time to fly away and protect the unprotected... It's the sense of snow falling into a stream where only the birds can make out the designs in the water. I can't say enough and when I finish typing the last letter of this piece, I am certain that I will think of another way to capture their beauty.

A Sigur Ros show is worth remembering and cherishing... Like them or dislike them, they are impossible to forget... Like remembering your first kiss, good or bad. She wasted my time. I'll never forget that moment. On this chilly September night, Sigur Ros did not waste my time. I'll never forget that moment.

Honestly, I am just thankful that music like this exists... For the ones who care enough to explore new avenues in what music can create inside and outside of the mind. Thank you, Sigur Ros. Thank you for visiting...

Sigur Ros, September 27th, 2008 at Red Rocks Amphitheater near Morrison, CO

01 Heysátan
02 Fljótavík
03 All Alright
04 Njósnavélin (Untitled #4)
05 Ný Batterí
06 Við Spilum Endalaust
07 Hoppípolla
08 Með Blóðnasir
09 Inní Mér Syngur Vitleysingur
10 Festival
11 Dauðalagið
12 Sæglópur
13 Hafsól
14 Gobbledigook
-----------------------------------
15 Illgresi
16 Popplagið (Untitled #8)

bsm*

She left with one acorn in her purse...

2009-02-02T09:31:00.000-08:00

So, I suppose that this blogging idea that I have heard so much about can be somewhat gratifying... I suppose it's an outlet for displaying any and everything about one's life and it seems like a great way to share these things with people. People you know. People you don't...

I started this thing with the idea of throwing out some of the action happening in my brain past and present. Like all people, I, too, have swirling symphonies bogging my brain down and it seemed like the right thing to do and it finally feels right. Finally. For reasons unknown, but it does feel right. I took the advice from at least two people and started "On My Sleeve."

What to say, what to do... This is a personal challenge for me and a it's a little bit of a prize to myself. Whoever takes the time to peek into this blog may come out of it with something or nothing... Choices. I'd like to thank you, in advance, for intruding as I welcome this idea for this purpose.

I feel like I have things to say and I feel like I am running out of time to say these things... Ever feel like there is not enough time? That there's always tomorrow? These questions play into the idea of On My Sleeve. I'm sure I will elaborate on these things in another post on another day.

It's Monday and the Pittsburgh Steelers won the Super Bowl yesterday. More importantly, hours before this NFL clash, Liverpool defeated Chelsea. The Reds sit second from the top of the table at 51 points. Not a bad way to start February...

bsm*

File, Edit, View, Favorites, Tools & Help

2009-01-26T13:06:00.000-08:00

I'll say these things about last week:

01) Officially saying "cheers" to a new Commander-In-Chief last week was a true highlight. I was lucky to catch all of the festivities from a television screen in Keller, TX.

02) "Heart Cooks Brain." Never underestimate the power of the jukebox. Ever. Thank you to Malone's...

03) People will surprise you everyday if you let them. I'm thinking of a chance encounter with at least 2 people I shared a Sammy Smith Pale with at...

04) Don't use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved.

05) Rocky Balboa. Had no idea that he can be a steady topic of conversation for 3 straight hours. I find this absolutely thrilling...

06) Henry Mejia, 1978 - 1991, RIP, "Rain down on he."

07) Spending time with a true "pal" that I have known since I was 15 years old was solid and it proved, again, how important friendship can be when adolesence retires from the mirror.

08) Building an outdoor kitchen in 37 degree weather can be therapuetic only if you have the right gloves on hand.

09) Everything tastes better in Benbrook, TX.

10) Never lose patience with your pets... Always make time for them. Consider what they see in you.

11) Nine thousand, nine hundred and eighty-two. Such a long way to go, it seems.

12) On Friday night, the sky looked like we were underneath Cloud City right out of Empire... So very true. "Peachy" & perfect.

13) To this day, I'm not much for "to-go" ketchup.

8...

2009-01-16T13:35:00.000-08:00

At this very moment, I am thinking of a number. Eight (8). Not really sure why... The weekend is upon us and on Monday we're observing MLK Jr. Day. Speaking of which, listen to "MLK" by U2 on Monday. It's the one song that I would hum to myself as a way of giving myself good luck before most events or excursions. Not sure why, but I sing it now... but only to myself (when no one is looking). I can't even remember the last time I "hummed."

This is an odd transition, but I have a question. What in the world happened to all of the arcades? The real ones. The ones that had video games that didn't require more than a quarter or two... I remember a time where quarters lived their lives (and realized their true calling) in the dark rooms of The Gold Mine and Spaceport. Are the minds of gamers today so advanced and arrogant that "Defender" and "Commando" and "Tempest" are any less fun and challenging than they were 20+ years ago? Why did they have to disappear? Like the dinosaurs, the majestic table top "Galaga" console and upright "Centipede" withered away and are now fossils hidden underneath Game Stops and Best Buys. Where am I going with this? Uncertain at the moment... It was just a question.

It's chilly, if not very, very cold outside. This, I like... I respect. I appreciate the weather. Looking outside my window, the sun is smiling... Shining bright, actually. Through the tree branches, through the blinds in the window, on my shoulder... It's a nice way to wrap up a Friday afternoon. I just know that the birds are happy.

Not that any of this is remotely relevant to anyone who would stop to read this, but I would pit "Tempest" against "Gears of War" any day of the week.

- simple mind

Third & probably final post of the day. For...

2009-01-15T09:04:00.000-08:00

Looking at my last two posts, I am feeling a bit straddled about who I was in 1993. I came across those two 'whateveryouwanttocallthem' pieces as I was looking for my official college transcript. Kind of a weird thing to search for on a Wednesday night, I know, but I just had to look at it and remember why I earned a "D" in Criminal Justice - Victimology in the Spring of 1995. I suppose these kinds of things may or may not keep people up at night. I slept in peace.

Staying on a course of going back in time, I am really going to go back in time to a real journal entry I made on May 1st, 1989, during my second year of a 4 year high school tour. One day after my birthday. Exactly as it was written. Somehow, I am not embarrassed...

5-1-89

Dear Journal,

I really don't have a favorite T.V. show. Let's see, I like Tom and Jerry cartoons. They rule! They make me find the way of life and why we live. Cartoons relax me. "Tom and Jerry." That's my ticket and I love it. Tom helps me think of why we are always worrying about tiny issues and Jerry makes me think of my younger years and how good it is to be young. Together, as a team, they make me feel good and secure. My outlook on life depends mostly on T and J cartoons. That's it!

b.

Hardly profound verbiage if you know me. I suppose I could have done a better job of describing why I loved Tom & Jerry then... They still hold up today. Just before the holiday season, I shared my affection for that cat and mouse with someone. Sadly, I wasn't sipping something special to mark the occasion. Do me a favor: Look for and study the lovely "The Night Before Christmas." My case and or point will be made. Hopefully. What they did with cartoons in the 40's should be taught at the college level.

So... I have to take a quick sip of water and figure out what I am going to do with the rest of my day.

Stay tuned. Or toon'd... Whatever.

bsm*

Eight days later on 7/15... 1993.

2009-01-15T08:51:00.000-08:00

"Girls and Boys"

In a playground... boys and girls.
Boys & girls, girls & boys counting the blades of grass.
Six boys & three girls. Porls & Pearls.
One dog, Wolfgang. Eleven mice, nameless.
One Porl jumps. One Porl sits.
"Mommy!" "Abuela!" "Father." "God!"
Nine children in a playground... Porls & Pearls.
Something in the air. Amiss. No. No. Yes.
Take them. Keep them. Give them. Paint them.
Four children in a playground. One Porl & three Pearls.
No dog. Five mice. All painted grey.
Five painted children in the sky. Look up. Look down.
Goodbye. Welcome.

Untitled from July 7th, 1993.

2009-01-15T08:40:00.000-08:00

A man from the west land identifies her.
A woman from not far off appears grey.
One identified; one grey.
He feels tranquility. He feels his age. Happiness.
Is twenty plus thirty plus six too young?
She senses her identity nearing; still unclear.
One woman, grey, reaches out to him.
She reaches down to him. Take me. Feel me. Be me.
She feels his life gone forever.
If I want to live my life again... I must die to myself today.
Don't go. I must. Don't lose me.
Two women. In the sky. On the ground.
One man in between.

A prologue of some sort...

2009-01-13T13:50:00.000-08:00

"...we all belong to the places we've never even been before. If there is any kind of legitimate nostalgia, it's for everything we've never even seen, the women we've never slept with, never dreamed of, the friends we haven't made, the books we've never read, all the food steaming in the pots we've never eaten out of. That's the only real kind of nostalgia there is..." - paco ignacio taibo II